TEARS
by Lady Error
Summary: WARNING: Yaoislash - Do you think Nokoru wants to be an Imonoyama? Do you you think he loves Suoh? A story that brings you to his world. His TEARS... and perhaps... yours as well... COMPLETED!
1. Hatred

**Disclaimer**: The characters definitely not mine. They belong to the talented artists from Japan, the one and only CLAMP sensei. I thank them for creating such wonderful characters to enliven the fantasy and imagination of their fan.

**Chapter 1: Hatred**

**

* * *

**

_/This meeting is not going to get anywhere./_

Nokoru could not help to think in that way. Not because he couldn't concentrate his mind in the meeting - _God knew that he always put great attention in any family business_ - but he just couldn't stand listening to his family member shouting and quarrelling each other. Being the one of the wealthiest clan on Earth, he had to admit; **it never made life any easier... or happier. **The Imonoyama family, had always been the richest family that people could possibly mention. Each member of the family had been demanded to carry a great responsibility, even they were just at the young age. **Unfortunately **- _Nokoru confessed in his heart_ - being the youngest son of the Imonoyama, it would be **a disaster** to him rather than **a fortune**. He had to attend the annual family business meeting. Nokoru knew he did not mind attending the meetings, in fact, he was always more than happy to know that it was also a chance to meet the entire family members. His father, brothers, and sisters, which he himself rarely met each other. **Even though they could meet, but they communicated less. **But now, knowing the fact that every time they meet would only bring themselves into an endless fighting, **did he still have the courage to keep his hope?** He wouldn't **dare**... And the last thing Nokoru could ever think of - _and what he was afraid of_ - he began to **HATE **them!

'This doesn't make sense.. All the family's budget, the expenses **is not balanced with the incomes and profits** we collect in this project!' Owaru began his argumentation.

'On which part it **doesn't make sense** for you anyway?' Hajime replied.

'**Everything**! Why it is hard to make my point clear here?'

**'Damn it!** We have discussed it time and again. why we have to go over it again?' Owari added.

And so on, and so on. _/when is it time for me to speak up?/_

Nokoru seemed not to bother his brothers and sisters argument a lot. In fact, he did not want to involve that much. Even though he was now the Campus' new Chairman, replacing his mother; he kept on feeling it's impolite to interfere in his siblings, especially when they were in the middle of a conflict. He would not make things better, he would make everything worse. He looked to the main seat of the giant round table they were sitting together. _/Father and mother are not here. What will they think if they have to see us fighting like this?/ _Being the youngest son, made him realized that he had only a little right to contribute any significant decision. So he simply remained in silence as he followed the discussion.

'All of you can see our profit chart is decreasing month by month. And I supposed it is not a good sign at all for our family. _**We spent a lot, but yet we gain nothing**_, and the expenses mostly came from our... **CLAMP CAMPUS.'** Owaru applied.

Nokoru stunned. Speechless, he stared at his papers on the desk. Soon, he could feel all the eyes on the tables were aimed at him.

'Do you have **any explanation** regarding that, Nokoru?' Hajime asked.

Slowly, Nokoru raised his face. His angelic face remained silence. His sapphire eyes met the glares, but yet performed no answers. 'Wh... Wh- **What do you mean?**' _/As far as my concern, Akira always does his tasks perfectly./_

'**You've heard it.** I found the most unexplained projects proposed from your campus. Realizing how **generous **you are, as a matter of fact, I believe you always arrange an **unlimited budget** for any project proposed by your staffs, am I right?'

Nokoru's jaw struck in depth. 'I always permit all projects done in my campus based on a real purpose, and if it is not qualified, I will turn it down, I will reject it myself... **despite the fact, I'm generous or not.'** Nokoru argued, 'And furthermore, I have calculated the budget, and yes, **if profit concerns you so much**, fortunately, all the project we've proceed is profitable as well.'

Owaru felt his face redden by the emphasis - _**"profits concerns"**_ - stacked the papers on the table with a quite loud thud, and began to raise his voice, '**That's not my point**, Nokoru! The 'unexplained' project means the **unnecessary project** you do not need to perform.'

Feeling insulted by his brother's words, Nokoru declared, 'Tell me, which project do you think it is **unnecessary **to be executed?'

'Let me see. **Duklyon**, perhaps? Or your fancy parties or ceremonies in that school, if you assume, cultural festivals?' Owaru stared to him.

'I formed Dukylon to guard the campus' safety, and besides, it is part of the robotic technology experiment we had. If Dukylon is succeeded, it will open the possibility we can use robotic armors and equipments for the government's national security. And for the festivals, yes, I agreed with you, it's non-profitable for Imonoyamas, but is it wrong to give the students **happiness and excitement** in the air? Besides I believe if we can feel the excitement air in the school, students will feel more comfortable to learn, right? Of all the people here... **YOU should understand it the most**! And if you feel my explanation is still far from your satisfaction, why don't you ask **Mother **instead? She's the one giving me the approvals...'

**'ENOUGH!'**

Nokoru was startled as Owaru screamed at him.

**'Stop being a spoil child!** Do you think you can put away your responsibility if you mention **Mother's support **on you?'

Owaru's words felt just like **a sentence to death** for him. If the Earth in front of him can open itself, he would voluntarily jump into it.

_/How could he say such a thing?/_

Questions broke his mind, and the fact his brother would actually demeaning his pride in front of his _(precious, precious, precious)_ siblings, hit him so much, and he barely felt his tears sting at the corner of his sapphire eyes. 'Look... I... I don't... I don't even think...' Nokoru couldn't finish his sentence. Stacking his report papers quickly, putting them in the folders, and locking his suitcase, Nokoru left the table, leaving his beloved siblings behind him _(and that if they still concerned and valued him as their brother). _He opened the room's giant door and fled away to his bedroom.

**_/They hate me./_**

* * *

Nokoru ended on his bed. Staring at the white ceiling with an illustration of an angel in the middle of it, Nokoru closed his wet eyes. He had been crying all alone on his bed for hours perhaps. He lost count of the time. He had assured his door was locked, so that no one could see him in such condition. But then again, why should he? Oh... yes.. Imonoyamas never cried. They laughed, they smiled, and perfect without any disgrace, and emotion was rationally unnecessary. **Perfection**. One key word.

_Knock, knock_.

Somebody was knocking at his door. Perhaps the maid...

'Yes?' Nokoru answered.

'Nokoru? It's me, **Owaru**.'

'What do you want?' Refusing to open the door, Nokoru rolled to sink his golden-hared head in the pillow. 'I want to be **alone**, if you don't mind.'

'Please **open **the door.'

Knowing the fact that Owaru was his eldest brother, and he still wanted to show a **respect**, Nokoru reluctantly got up on his bed, and headed to the door. He could see his brother's face right in front of him as he opened the door.

'Have you been **crying**?' Owaru noticed his blurry eyes.

'I...' Nokoru shook his head weakly. 'I'm just **tired**...'

'You understand that **we are not supposed to cry.**'

Nokoru sighed. _/Typical answer, isn't it?/ _ 'Is there anything important you wanted me to know?'

'Yes, you left one of your reports back there.'

Nokoru received the paper into his hand. '**Thank you.**'

'You're welcome. We still continue the meeting tomorrow, hope **you'll join us on time.**'

Nokoru didn't want to look at his brother's eyes, he just pretended he was busy reading the papers in his hand. **'I don't think I'll come tomorrow**. I don't feel well anyway.'

Owaru observed him closely. It was clear that he **disliked **Nokoru's reply. Nokoru knew Owaru's asking **was not a question**. It was a **command **for him to come tomorrow, but at this point, he really felt he did not want to go. Nokoru could sight the **disappointment **in Owaru's firm face.

'Why am I getting the feeling that you're acting as you're **the most respectable young master **in this house and you have the power to do anything you like?' Owaru's voice was sharp just like **a knife**. 'I supposed if we held the family meeting, we don't want to hear **any excuse** or any reason. **Do I sound clear, brother?'**

Couldn't stand it much longer, Nokoru exploded, **'WHY ARE YOU TREATING ME LIKE THIS?'**

Owaru was motionless.

'I understand **you're the eldest brother in the Imonoyamas**, and I'm the **youngest **of all, but shouldn't you treat me with **respect **as well? For God's sake, I'm not a little child anymore! I am your brother. **I am an Imonoyama as well!'**

_/Don't you even care about me?/_

But Nokoru didn't ask the last question in his mind. Not because he knew the answer already, but more because he was afraid to hear the answer for real.

Owaru only stared at him. 'I still assume you as my brother indeed, and I relieved to know you still assume **you're one of us.** If you are an **IMONOYAMA**, so **ACT **like one! Stop taking a pity of yourself, and you can rest assured that no one will have a pity on you if you continue acting this way... **Believe me.'**

Owaru was ready to leave Nokoru standing in front of the door, disbelieving what he'd just heard for his elder brother. But he stopped his footstep when Nokoru suddenly called him.

'Aren't you going to **apologize **to me?' Nokoru whispered.

'**Apologize**?' Owaru smirked, 'For **what **I supposed?'

'

/_/For hurting my feelings. For the fact you don't even care about me./_

Nokoru looked down, desperate to find the right answer. Yet, he looked into Owaru's eyes deeply and answered, 'You know what? I understand. **Thank you anyway.'**

'What do you mean?'

'Thank you for making me realized **one important thing**.'

'Oh.. And may I know what it is?'

Nokoru smiled - _but not one of those smiles he used to give_ - it was an **evil **smile, which of course was a misplaced on his angelic face. Doubtless, he revealed the answer.

**'Realizing that I regret being one of the Imonoyamas.'**

_/Yes. I regret being an Imonoyama. I hate the name. I wish I'd never born in this damn family./_

Silence fell among them, as they stood facing each other.

**'What did you said?'** Owaru asked again, slightly trembling his body.

* * *

Just then, Hajime came by the alley, and accidentally saw the two men standing in front of Nokoru's bedroom. Sensing trouble between the two, she slowly approached the men. But she disliked the scene she was about to see. Nokoru's face was pale, but she could tell that his eyes filled with anger. On the other side, Owaru seemed that he was trying his best to control himself, seemed to try not to fly hit someone or something like that.

'What happened?' Hajime asked, when she was close enough with both of them.

**'TELL ME AGAIN WHAT YOU'VE JUST SAID!**' Owaru raised his voice towards his brother. Hajime was startled; she understood that Owaru had been strict, but he rarely scolded or even raised his voice towards his siblings. As the Imonoyamas always did, always tried to be calm and pleasant to others.

Nokoru opened his mouth to answer once again without any doubt:

**'I REGRET TO BE AN IMONO...'**

Before he could possibly finish his sentence, Nokoru felt a sharp pain on his cheek. Hajime gasped and covered her mouth in shock. Into her disbelief, Owaru had just slapped Nokoru.

_ /He slapped Nokoru?/_

Nokoru was trembling. For the first time in his life, **his brother slapped him**, and it was a hard one too. Tasting the fresh blood streaming out at the corner of his lip, Nokoru painfully rubbed his cheek down to his delicate chin. Same as Hajime, he was in disbelief. He closed his bold sapphire eyes as he was trying to hold himself not to hit his brother back. He was not a child anymore, and fighting like a child, would be a disgraceful, even if he really wanted to explode in anger, he knew he would **regret **it later.

'**Stop it,** Owaru! Have you lost your mind? **He's your brother,** for God's sake!' Hajime shouted.

'He started it! He's the one who **lost **his mind!** He regrets to be born as an Imonoyama!**' Owaru replied. 'Let me **teach **him how to be a **grateful** child!'

**'I... hate... you.'** Nokoru whispered.

Hajime stunned. Again she disbelieved her hearing. 'What did you say, Nokoru-san?'

'**I... HATE... HIM!**' This time, Nokoru screamed till his voice could be heard from all over the house. Hajime could swear she could see Nokoru's eyes turning from blue sapphire into greenish evil at that moment.

Owaru was just about to lift his right hand to give Nokoru another slap on his face, when Hajime grabbed it to stop him from doing that.

'**Let go off my arm!**' Owaru tried to twist her hands.

'Stop it! **Enough **of this!'

**'Hajime!'**

'I said **enough**!'

Nokoru stepped back into his room, and faintly closed the door behind him. He locked it and ran towards his bed, grasped his pillow, and hid his head under it. He didn't want to hear any fight from his brother and sister outside his room. He sobbed, and sobbed. He told himself time and again, that he would never regret what he just said to his brother. He **REGRETTED **being an Imonoyama. He hated his name. **He hates himself.**

**HATRED**.

**To be continued -**


	2. Denial

**Chapter 2: Denial**

* * *

**'Are you insane? Have you lost your mind somehow beneath those damn paper works?'** Hajime asked angrily. It was quite obvious that she disliked Owaru had done to Nokoru. Even though her relationship with Nokoru was not closed enough _(- in this family, who has a close relationship anyway? - ),_ but what her elder brother just did was beyond any sense.

'Hajime-san! Mind your words, please!' Owaru glared to her.

'Well. instead of minding my own words, why didn't you mind your doing to Nokoru-san just now? He's not a little child anymore, and neither you are. Both of you are intellectual people, so is it true you cannot find any other way solving whatever problems you might have between you guys?'

'For God's sake, Hajime-san! I've tried to talk to him, and everything went just well before...' Owaru stopped. He didn't finished his words.

'

'Before?' This time, Hajime's pretty face fell in curiosity. Her thin elegant eyebrows sunk under her wavy hair, waiting for the next answer of her elder brother.

Owaru sighed. 'You've heard it yourself. He said that. He **REALLY **said that.'

Both of them were covered with silence. Hajime turned her look on the closed door of Nokoru's bedroom. 'I wonder how he feels right now.' She touched the artistic carved door, and thought it might be a good idea to knock it, and ask Nokoru's permission to enter the room.

Seemed to understand his sister's intention, Owaru shook his head. 'No. I guess you won't be able to come in there. You know Nokoru, he's stubborn enough if he gets moody.'

'And you know him well also, am I right, Owaru-san?' Hajime gave her charming smile. There was a** winning sense** in her smile - well, that's what Owaru felt at least.

Owaru felt his face blushed. He coughed a little to distract Hajime's attention from him.

Hajime smiled at her brother's reaction. _ /It's not Nokoru only, you are a stubborn person as well as far I've known you./ _'But then again. if you're the one to come inside to say sorry, I guess Nokoru will be very happy.'

'Why should I say sorry? It's ridiculous!' Owaru protested.

'So, I supposed you assume that it is **his fault**, not yours, isn't it? Anyhow, why did he make you angry then?'

'He **DENIED **he is an Imonoyama!'

'So?' Hajime expressed as if there was no big deal with that.

Owaru disbelieved his sister's respond. _Shouldn't she felt angry the same way like he did? _ 'So...? So, that means he's being ungrateful for everything he received from Imonoyamas after all these times. The wealth, the pleasure, the facilities, and... And...' Owaru lost his words.

'And **US**?' Hajime added.

Owaru was stunned. He didn't expect the answer, but then again, might be it was the perfect answer he could get, since. It was right. Owaru remained silent. _/Yes, **US**. But why?/_

'Tell me, Owaru-san. But please be honest with your words. Have you never regretted to be an Imonoyama? Is it true in your whole lifetime you've never had a wish - **even just ONCE**- to be able to deny yourself as an Imonoyama? Just once - **you were someone else.**... Someone less ordinary...'

Hajime paused for an answer.. An answer - which she knew she wouldn't get. **An answer - which she believed would be buried in time.**  
'

'

**Denial **- that's all it is.

'

* * *

To be continued -


	3. Love and Lust

**Chapter 3: Love and Lust**

* * *

_***** The CLAMP Campus *****_

The next morning, Suoh came to the Rijichou's boardroom. As usual, he got lots of things to prepare and plan for the whole day. And being one of the most powerful men in the Campus, he had listed the activities he would do for the day. Even without the presence of his One, Imonoyama Nokoru- sama, he would do his responsibility perfectly. But on the second thought, realizing how he was going to work all by himself during the week, didn't make him feel happy at all, since he was longing for his Nokoru to come back to his office and stay there sharing the paper works. **His Nokoru.**

Nokoru had informed him since last week that he wouldn't be able to attend any Council meetings due to his family gathering **for a week**. If he had just told him another excuse, Suoh would think instantly that he just wanted to delay the paper works. But when it came to his** family gathering** - the Imonoyamas - even him couldn't say anything to against it.

Somehow, days without his Nokoru, were simply empty and boring. He couldn't see his Nokoru's beautiful smile, or his golden hair, or even to hear his laugh... 

_/I'm going to be insane one of these days./_

Well... today would be the same as those days.. **Dull**.

Wandering around his mind made him didn't realize he had reached the boardroom. Now, he was standing just in front of the big door. He managed to fix his appearance before he stepped in there. Assuring himself he had been perfect, Suoh pushed the door. He knew nobody would be inside, since Akira was away for the week as well to accompany his wife Utako traveling for her fashion shows around the world. _/Well, at least, he's enjoying his time with his loved one./_

And Nokoru... Probably he was spending his time with his brothers and sisters too, just as he wanted. _/Forgetting me behind./_

To his surprise, the room was not empty at all. Behind that desk, that huge desk of the Chairman, he saw a familiar gesture sitting on the chair. His face was similar to the dawn seraph, as the sunlight entering from the windows behind him, which made Suoh almost believed that he just met a real angel.

'Good morning, Suoh.' Nokoru lifted his face and smiled.

'G-G-Good morning, Chairman.' Suoh nervously answered. His heart was beating faster than it should be. 'B-But why are you here? Weren't you suppose to..'

He stopped. Nokoru was not paying attention to what he'd just said. He was reading paper works. Strange.. _/Something is not right./_

'Chairman...' Suoh was moving closer to the desk. 'Are you alright?'

**Still no answer.**

He reached the desk, and lowered his head till he was sure he had the same angle of sight with his friend. 'Nokoru.. What happened?' Suoh touched his hand, and hold it firmly.

Nokoru didn't stop his reading as if there was no period on the letters he observed. When the solid hand of Suoh laid a firm grab on his own hand, Nokoru was stunned. He closed his eyes, and mumbled something, and Suoh could feel his body shivering as if there was cold snow on his shoulders. Suoh believed Nokoru was going to break in tears, but on the contrary, the man opened his blue-sky eyes, and began to lift his head slowly to face his friend.

'I'm alright.. Don't worry..'

Suoh was no one fools. He could see a bullet coming to hit his One's body, he could sense danger was happening to his One even though he was away. How come he couldn't see what in front of his golden eyes right at the moment?

Or could he?

'Don't lie to me..' Suoh lifted his hands to hold Nokoru's chin, and somehow forced the man's eyes to reply his gaze. 'After all we've been through... you haven't trusted me yet?'

'No! I-I- I trust you... You're the only one I can trust...'

Suoh felt his face blushed. But immediately he put away that thought.

'Only... I'm not sure you can help...'

Offended, Suoh kept on asking his questions. 'Why? Is it about your **family**?'

`  
Nokoru slightly moved his head away for Suoh's hand. He stood up from his chair so fast, that Suoh was startled to see him.

'I'm **afraid**...' He whispered. This time Nokoru couldn't hold it any much longer. His tears were streaming down from the corners of his eyes, and there was no way he could hold it. His body was trembling holding the emotions. Deep in his mind, he knew he was not supposed to act that way to his brother yesterday. He knew he would regret it eventually, and even now... When he was not supposed to cry in front of other people, but ... He still did... He was desperate. He was losing himself... himself as an **Imonoyama**...

Nokoru shook his head, and said, 'Oh, no! Look at the time. I still have to attend the meeting with the family... I just came by to collect some files regarding the new platform of the campus' lake... And I thought it was not going to take much time, so..'

Nokoru couldn't finish his saying, since he found himself ended in Suoh's embrace with his face sinking in Suoh's chest. He could feel Suoh's hand behind his hair, and for seconds, he could relax himself in it. Ignoring his surroundings, his common sense, his... **Identity**. _/He is very warm.. I wish I could rest in peace like this forever./_

But that remained only seconds, before Suoh started to move his lips to his head, and kissed his forehead. And Suoh's kiss didn't stop there. It moved lower and lower, to his eyes, nose, and it ended on his mouth. **A passionate kiss**... And how it seemed to be endless...

Nokoru was startled. He did not expect Suoh would kiss him! He didn't know how to react. Then, all he knew he was struggling to release himself from Suoh's tightened hug.

After struggling quite hard, he managed to escape. Nokoru stepped back till he could feel his body lean against the window behind his back. It was a dead-end! There was no place to run anymore... And even the blind could tell how terrified he was at the moment. Like a prey cornered by its hungry predators...

Suoh was aware of his fear as well. Yet he refused to find out why...

* * *

_/This is not happening to me. I'm dreaming.. I am! It's impossible../_

Nokoru covered his mouth, disbelieving the sensation he felt on his tender lips. His heart was beating so fast that he nearly believed it'd leap out of his throat seconds later.

'Why? B-but why? Why do you do this to me?' Nokoru stared at him with the tears he still had.

'Why? I. I..' Suoh was speechless. He was shocked too with how Nokoru's reacted on him. For all these times, he thought Nokoru would feel the same was as he did... **Love**.

**'Why, Suoh? Why?'** _/From his voice, definitely he was terrified./_

Suoh was in panic. _/No... No... How'll I explain to him... I.../_

Nokoru was desperate to wait for the answer. He assumed he'd never get it, and should leave the place as soon as he could before anything wrong could happen again. He rushed to his desk, collecting whatever paper works he needed to carry with him, hurriedly inserted them in his folder, zipped his bag, and he was ready to step to the door leaving Suoh behind. The plan was, of course, before Suoh's hand grabbed his arm so tight and obviously attempting to make him stay, completely a failure.

Nokoru tried his best to twist out of his grasp, but he realized Suoh's power was beyond his.

**'Let me go! Hand off me, Suoh!'**

Suoh ignored his voice. He glared sharply to the smaller man's eyes, which was obviously trying to avoid his eyes.

Nokoru was distressed. He tried his best to break out. But when Suoh's other hand grabbed him on the other side, Nokoru was sure there was no way to escape from him this time. Suoh grabbed Nokoru's body, and he simply threw his One's body onto the Chairman's desk. And Nokoru was damned shocked when he found himself being thrown away, and landed on his very own desk with his back paining as he was pressed on the desk.

The two men ended up with Suoh's position on the top of Nokoru body. And Nokoru wanted so much to scream for help, but he knew that nobody could hear his screaming, and if there was, it'd affect Suoh's reputation in future if he's being accused of abusing or raping him.

Both didn't say anything for a moment. Actually, they still disbelieved what they had done to each other. Then, Nokoru's voice broke the silence.

'Let me go, please. Suoh... please... Let me go..'

'No... not before...' He paused. 'Not before you know that I...'_** /I LOVE YOU./**_

**Unable to say such a simple word in his mind, he kissed Nokoru's lips instead. **This time, it was longer, more passionate, and was almost breathless. Hoping Nokoru had already understood how his feeling to him was, Suoh slowly moved his kiss away. But when he observed the blonde man's eyes, he was surprised. As if the man he was facing was not the man he used to know. There was a great fear deep in that blue eyes; frightened, scared, and... **hurt**.

Nokoru was **terrified**.

His tears were streaming down like a river, and he broke his mask. His Imonoyama's mask he used to use to cover his true-heart. After all these times, he was a freak, a coward, and a breakable person. Not a brave, self- confidence, charming, and pleasant man he used to show.

**He lost himself...**

'Enough.' He whispered.

Suoh was confused. Not understanding the look in Nokoru's eyes, he was frowned._ (He still had his hands locked Nokoru's arms on the table with his body leaning on him.)_

'Nokoru?'

'I said **ENOUGH**! **LET ME GO!'**

He was startled to death. Never in his life, Nokoru raised his voice towards him in this way. Not raised - screamed at him... Practically, he released his grasp, and back on his feet stepping backward from the desk.

Nokoru felt he had no more power to get up from his position. He slowly rolled over and pushed his body up to a sit posture. He quickly rubbed his tears away, and grabbed his bag ready to leave. But he was too weak to stand up, even though his feet had already landed on the floor, he had no strength to keep them standing. Luckily, Suoh was able to catch his body before he hit the floor.

'No. Don't touch me...' Nokoru pushed Suoh away, trying to get up by himself.

'Nokoru, please...'

'I really have to go now. I'll be late-'

'Listen! I... I... **I love you!' **_/Damn! Why is it so** hard **just to say** these three words**?/_

Nokoru frowned. He could pretend to be deaf now, but he couldn't... He just couldn't.

'Answer me, Nokoru! Don't just be quiet.'

'Enough I said! Enough. I don't want to hear it anymore!'

**'WHY?**' Suoh couldn't hold it any much longer, at last he screamed back to Nokoru. 'Don't tell me you don't have the same feeling as I do... Cause I won't believe you... After all we've done...'

'I don't want to.'

'WHY?'

Nokoru didn't want to answer. He covered his ears instead, trying to ignore what he heard.

Losing his patience, Suoh tucked down his arms forcefully. 'Look at me!'

Still no action. Nokoru was stunned.

'God damn it!** LOOK AT MY EYES!'**

He was startled.. Whether he wanted or not, his blue eyes glared at Suoh's golden eyes.

'Tell me please.. Do you love me?'

He... shook his head.

In that second, Suoh felt his world had turned into dust. He didn't want to believe his seeing.

'But... why?'

He looked into his golden eyes, tears still pouring down as rain in his heart, Nokoru opened his mouth to answer.

**'Because I'm an Imonoyama..'**

_/That's all?/_

Nokoru had reached the door, when Suoh was able to come back to the world around him. Just about he's leaving the room, Suoh asked his last question.

'**Because you're an Imonoyama?'**

**'Yes.'** Not letting Suoh caught his face, Nokoru answered the questions.

'Because you're an Imonoyama, and I am not **equal **to you? Because you're an Imonoyama, you will be **ashamed **of me?'

'.' **No answer.**

'Fine. Fine then.' Suoh grasped his bag, and ran towards the door, passing the stunned Nokoru.

'**Good bye, Chairman!'**

And so he fled away.

He's still there. Standing alone. He wished he could die at that moment. It was so silent. The only sound existed was a **drip **- a drip of his own tear touch the cold floor, as cold as his heart now. For he know, he'd lost his precious.

_/It was a 'good bye'. Not a 'see-you-tomorrow'./_

**Love**. 


	4. Fault

**Chapter 4: Fault**

* * *

'I guess **he'll never make it** to come here to attend the meeting..'

'Should we go on** without his presence,** perhaps?'

Owaru shook his head, neglecting his brothers' idea. Though he was very angry at the moment to his youngest brother's behavior - plus all Nokoru had said to him before - but he had no intention at all to leave his brother behind in the family business. Realizing how important his brother's decision was, and it was the fact that his brother's companies had been the **Imonoyamas top-three biggest income**. And as the chairman, Nokoru had done an excellent job without having any assistance from the other family members.

'We shall wait until his coming and join us in this meeting.. Anyway, we need his opinion and decision regarding the future of Imonoyamas business.' Owaru explained.

Silent.

'But honestly, I doubt that Nokoru could make it to the meeting..' Owari suddenly broke the silence.

Soon, all the blue eyes in the room surround him in questions.

'**What?** After all Owaru did to him the day before, it is obvious he won't come here to have another meeting with him, right?' Owari's shoulders were up to his head.

'So you mean if he doesn't come here today, **it'll be my fault**?' Owaru asked.

'Hmph... Didn't say it's your fault.. But yes.. **It's you who caused it.**' Owari added.

'Well.. In that case then, **he doesn't deserved to be a leader**, since he isn't capable to be one... **If he could not put away his personal feeling from business**, then you're right.. May be we just have to have this meeting go on without him.'

'**I disagree that!**' Finally Hajime spoke up. 'If I were Nokoru-san, I would probably do the same thing by not attending **this damn meeting!**'

'Hajime-san! How many times should I remind you to **watch your words**?' Owaru seemed to begin pissed off.

'No! She's right! **I agreed with her!**' Now it was Houtako who declared her idea.

'What's wrong with you all? Do you mean all of these things happened **because of my fault**?'

But nobody answered the question. Not because they did not know what the answer was, but it just because they were just **too afraid **to accuse their elder brother, and stand against his opinion.

'I.. I have no idea why, Owaru..' Hajime whispered.

'**'Why' **what do you mean?'

Hajime was silent. For once she considered to tell whatever inside her mind that time, but...

**'Nothing.'**

Owaru was no fool, he knew **Hajime was hiding something from him**. And it made he so damn curious. 'No! **Don't hide it from me**. Tell me what's in your mind?'

'Do you really want to know what I think about you?'

'Obviuosly... **of course!**'

Hajime was in doubt. She disliked arguing with this brother of hers. Knowing Owaru was lot older than her, and of course, even though herself had been an powerful member in the family, but Owaru had his strength. Owaru had been excellent in arguing or debating. That's why... that's why... It was wise for her not to involve in any conflict with him. **She wouldn't have any chance to win.**

'I have no idea why.. **Why you had changed so much!**'_ /Anyway, Owaru had to listen to this! No matter what!/_

'Changed? **What changed?**!' Owaru didn't understand what his younger sister meant.

**'YOU!'**

Silent.

'Okay.. **This conversation had become far out of our discussion... **Shall we put it behind and get back to our family business that we haven't...'

**'LISTEN!**' Owaru stopped his words in sudden as Hajime shouted back at him.

Owaru was startled as in a sudden, Hajime jumped out of her seat, and slammed the table. It was not like the usual Hajime at all, who always acted elegantly and - _just like other Imonoyamas would always be_ - **pleasantly**.

**'There's no need to listen to all this nonsense anymore.'** Stopped. Owaru realized how sharp his sister's glare to him, never before in his lifetime, he'd seen her acting like this.

Hajime might not lead any important company in the family, for she was a music artist, and an extraordinary talented one as well. Any music equipment came into her hand would be performed perfectly by her. And the incredible thing was all of her skills that she managed to posses, she had it without any practice. _If other people had to practice continuously, Hajime did not need so much effort._

Once, one of the most famous celebrities magazines in the world interviewed her when she was succeeded in receiving ten international awards for her debut album _(she completed the songs recording only in few hours)_, she confessed that she never practiced her music skills. She could do it simply because she loved it. The magazine noted Hajime's states: **_'If I had to practiced that much, I'll hate music then.'_** She was a genius.

Years later, she began to start her 'little' business by creating a music equipment manufacturer, which was named: the **'Imonoyama Masterpiece Melody Inc.' **A _'little'_ company that produced great quality music equipments, from violins, grand pianos, guitars, and etc. But Hajime was only willing to sell the product to **certain people**. Certain people who she considered had a dedication to the music world. So even though people had the money to buy one, they couldn't get it.

Hajime used to be calm, but this **_'Hajime' _**who stood before him was definitely **different**. She was in rage, and she meant it.

Owaru glared to the green-hared lady in front of him. Compared to her, he possessed greater important companies, which affected the Imonoyamas' existence, not only in Japan, but also in the world. But he respected Hajime a lot. Unlike him, **Hajime built her own company**. Owaru had an excellent management skill, but he led his father's company trusted on him.

Owaru controlled the _**'Imonoyama Weaponry Engineering Inc.';**_ a company that manufactured the weaponry needs of the global world. It was his responsible to lead the company, supervised the weaponry sales across the board, and he understood it was extremely dangerous, if he made any small mistake. The weapons produced by the Imonoyamas were the best quality weapons. They were high tech, 'stylish', and efficient, but still they were very dangerous. If they ended on the wrong hands, the weapon would certainly cause great disaster. Only few countries or organizations were trusted to use the weapons, countries or organizations whose purpose had been researched by Owaru, and had their proposal approved. Owaru demanded his weapons only being used for defenses, not war. If the purchasers broke the contract based on their deal, Owaru would not give any toleration. He would assault them, and had the weaponry they had bought destroyed. **It was a tough business.**

And unlike Hajime or Nokoru or anyone else in the family, **Owaru hated his company.** He ran the company simply because of he felt he was responsible for it. For **he did not want to disappoint his father..**. He realized his company **was useful to protect his family some day in the future**..

'Hajime-san.. I don't like we're arguing about this anymore. We really have to..'

'**HAVE TO WHAT?**'

'Hajime- san! Please! **Listen to me first!**' Owaru was afraid that he too was going to lose his patience on his sister.

**'NO! I DON'T WANT TO! YOU LISTEN TO ME!'**

Now Owaru was really speechless. He had no other choice except to listen to what his sister had to say and remain silent.

'You know what.. I've been thinking Nokoru's words for the whole night..' Hajime started. Slowly she returned to her chair. 'And I believe **he's right about everything.' **_/As he's always right about everything./_

'Hajime-san... I...' Owaru paused, never before he lost his words in the middle of a conversation.

'What is the use? Every time we met, **we always put ourselves in a long fight**. Family business, companies matters, money, profit, and.. so on.. But never.. **Never! **Never once we talk about our** family matter**, the relationship between us... We never go somewhere to have fun together, do some shopping or perhaps just to spend our Goddamn wealth for something useless..'

Everybody smiled. Knowing that couldn't be happening, **Imonoyama always valued their own for useful things only...**

'And we even.. We even **never eat at the same table...'**

Hajime stopped. She felt she couldn't bear it anymore. Life was torturing for her. She covered her beautiful eyes, seemed to try to hide her tears and continued, 'Nokoru-san was right... **I hate to be an Imonoyama**. I **regret **to be an Imonoyama...' The next thing she knew, she couldn't take it anymore. She broke into tears. Immediately she tidied up her own belongings, stood up, and left her siblings, who were frowned by her words.

The Imonoyamas might possess all the **wealth **a man could ever want or imagine. The Imonoyamas might possess the **charm **and look, a lady can adore and dream of. The Imonoyamas might possess all the **intelligence **and wisdom the world required...

The Imonoyamas might have all the **perfection**...

**But they did not have anyone to love... **They didn't have the **courage **to love..

And - **whose fault is that?**

**

* * *

To be continued..**


	5. Dream

**Chapter 5: Dream**

* * *

Nokoru finally reached his home. It seemed it had been ages he hadn't returned to his home, for he hardly recognized it. The big gates with artistic nouveau, the cold carved door, and as usual, the empty hall.. For ordinary people, they would adore it for the luxury design, and exclusive furnitures. Imonoyamas appreciated arts. So many painting from famous world's artists one could find in the main hall. Some - _of course _- created by his sister, Houtako. Even the world's greatest museum could not be compared to what the Imonoyamas possessed in their mansion. Well, it's not a mansion, more like a palace after all.

He stepped on the main stairs, gathering all his strength left to climb the ceramics stairs as if he was climbing the highest mountain on the world. Nokoru felt he wanted to faint. But he had to carry on... **Imonoyama might be weak, but they didn't easily give up..**

It was a simple problem; it was **not the first time for him to lose someone he loved**. He experienced all the pain, but still why... Why did he keep on feeling his heart hurting? He had been through it all. Murder attempts, kidnapping, torturing, and he swore he could make a list out of it, and he had passed every single of it successfully. And **so would this one.** He would passed it too, as well as the others.

But then again..

**_For who?_**

_**For whom he would survive? For whom he would smile? For whom he would be happy?**_

Then...

_**For whom he would live?**_

He couldn't answer those questions... He couldn't find the answer even though it was a simple question, as he couldn't answer why he had to come back to his room... **All alone.**

Nokoru sighed. Here he was, back to his cold lonely room. Other people might think his room was the most luxurious room in the world; even a five- star-hotel couldn't be compared to his. Carefully, he closed the door behind him, so that nobody could hear he entered it... He threw himself on his bed, staring at the white ceiling as he began to realize never he had been so lonely before.

_What was he missing? But again, what was he having?_

**Nothing**.

Nothing mattered now... Might be it would be the best... **for him and Suoh.**

Nokoru pushed himself up again, and viewed his room around. There was a grand piano in his room, a white one. It was a birthday present from Hajime, though when he received it he was quite puzzled, he had never played a piano before. He was still very young by that time, and _life was so easy and days were beautiful._

He moved towards it. His hands lifted the ivory keys' lit, and touched the key with one of his delicate fingers. The sound was so soft and gentle... but still, it could reach the deepest part of his heart.

_Yes. of course_, this was an Imonoyamas product..

Nokoru drew the piano's chair, and seated himself properly. He was ready to play a song.. An old song his sister once taught him, perhaps it would be the only song he could play..

One tune followed with another.. Slowly and carefully.. For a moment, Nokoru forgot his sorrow. **His mind was drawn to his childhood...**

_Long before it all started..._

* * *

It was his **birthday**, and he knew it would be just **like another ordinary day**... Nothing special... He was four years old by that time, but he was more matured than his actual age. Being an Imonoyama, they had to be **independent **since their very young age. And he was **no exceptional.**

He was inside his room, praying for whatever magic could happen on this day. He knew no one would answer his prayer. But only today... who knew God would have a mercy on him and made his wishes came true... **only for once. **He was not greedy... He tried not to...

Through his window, he could see raindrops fell on the ground heavily, and created golden puddles. He loved rain so much. For him, rain was an obvious evidence of God's existence... his friends always admired him for his genius mind, but even though he was a genius, he himself could never understand how God created the world, the rain, and life...

Some people believed with knowledge combined with the modern technology, they could control their life, they could control the world... And they were capable to predict anything would happen in the future. Astrological, zodiacs, palm-readers, and more fortunetellers declared they could prophet the future based on accurate calculation. Nokoru **disbelieved **them all.**_ How could they forecast life, if they could not even forecast how the weather would be today?_** Whether it's going to be raining or not, and if it was raining, how long till it stopped? What happened afterwards? **Rain**. An uncomplicated thing... Something so simple and ordinary, but yet... **Unpredictable**._** if you couldn't predict rain, you couldn't predict life.**_

Someone was knocking at his door. Nokoru turned his attention from the window to answer it.

'Yes, come in please.'

A beautiful young girl, in her late teens showed herself. Her long straight green hair was a match to her mint colored dress. And her eyes were as blue as his. Nokoru was very happy to see his sister came to visit him, knowing she was busy in her university lately, plus a never-ending concert to perform, Hajime rarely spent her time with her little brother.

'Hello? How are you, Nokoru-san?' She greeted him pleasantly.

'Hajime-san. **Nice to see you again!**' Nokoru didn't answer her question; instead he was running towards her, and ended in her hug.

Hajime was so happy to have Nokoru in her cuddle. She missed him so much, as she missed the other family member as well. The fact she had to travel for her concert around the world, made her had to leave her family behind. Sometimes she had to leave her school, but she loved music. It had been her path of life, even before she realized she loved it.

'**Happy birthday,** Nokoru-san. Are you happy today?' Hajime sent her sweetest smile to her little blonde angel.

'Of course, you've come to wish me a happy birthday, and I hate to disappoint a beautiful girl, especially if **she is my own sister.**' Nokoru answered.

'Ha..ha. As usual! Your silver tongue always presents me nice words.' Hajime brushed her fingers on Nokoru's silky hair. 'Where are the others? **Have they come yet to do the same as me?'**

Hajime regretted to have saying that, as she caught a slight of **disappointment **in those sapphire eyes of her brother.

Nokoru shook his head. 'Not yet, but may be later. I believe they are still **busy.'**

'I am **sorry**...'

'No! It's alright, even though no one else come,** I still have you!' **Nokoru said cheerfully.

Hajime knew Nokoru was lying for certain, she could feel his sadness even only in seconds. But she didn't want to make the situation worse. 'You're **right**. After all, I'm here beside you, am I?' She kissed her brother's cheek. '**_And I love you so much...'_**

'I love you so much too!' Nokoru tightened his hug.

'Guess what! I had **a big present** for you! Do you want to open it now?'

'What kind of present?' Nokoru's eyes were full of excitement.

'But you have to **close your eyes first**! And you have to be patient! I need time to bring it upstairs and put it inside your bedroom.'

'Is it **big**?'

'**Yes**! Quite big.' Hajime demonstrated the size of the present with both of her hands.

'Is it **heavy**?'

'**Yes**! Of course! And I need some men to carry it for me.'

'Then I'm afraid **I'll fall asleep.**'

Hajime was sweat dropped. 'Nooo. I promise you it won't take too long time!' She choked.

Examining his sister's cute reply, Nokoru grinned. 'Okay. **I'll wait.**'

Hajime nodded her head. '**Now**. Are you ready?'

Having his both hands covering his eyes, Nokoru answered, '**Yes**!'

Few minutes later, he could hear some men entering his room... Hajime's yelling, few bangs, and Nokoru thought he would go blind for ages... Till finally..

'Now! **It's done! **You may open your eyes now..'

Lowering his hands, Nokoru slowly opened his eyes. He couldn't believe what he saw by that time. **A white grand piano!**

'This...this is..' Nokoru looked at his sister disbelievingly. 'A grand piano for me?'

Hajime smiled - a big smile - it seemed she was very proud that she was able to give such a present to her brother! 'Yes! **It's made just for you!** This is my first **masterpiece**, and I hope you'll like it!'

**'You made it yourself?'**

'No, silly! Of course I need assistance from the professional mechanic to make the parts. But I ensure the quality, create some assessments and the model, and... **here it is!** Do you like it?'

Nokoru was silent. He couldn't say anything. For a four-year-old child like him, it was impossible to having known how precious the artistic value, but he was an Imonoyamas after all. He knew it was so beautiful.

'Nokoru? You don't like it, do you?'

'Huh? No, no.. I love it! But I don't know what to say.. **It is very beautiful.'**

'Well, you can say **thank you!**' Hajime put her hands on his shoulders.

Nokoru looked up to her sister and smiled. 'Yes.. **Thank you very much!**' And they hugged each other once again.

'But.. ' Nokoru slowly loosened his hug, and whispered. 'I don't know how to play it..'

Hajime grinned. _/He was so cute./_ 'Don't worry about that. **I'll teach you a song**.. Come!'

She grasped her brother's hand, and together they sat on the piano's chair.

'Now let's see. What song should I teach you.. Ah, yes. **this will do**..'

Hajime started to let her elegant finger dance on the piano keys. She played it in a slow rhythm so that Nokoru could follow it. Tunes by tunes. The sound of the piano filled the room, and brought peace in. The song he would never forget.

'So... the two of you are having fun together... **Leaving me behind?'**

A voice startled both of them. Hajime stopped her song, and looked at the door. There was a young handsome man was standing over there, watching both of them playing the song. He was very tall, and had an athletic body. He had golden copper hair, and a pair of blue eyes just the same as theirs. His long brown overcoat, matched with his reddish vest, made the impression that he had been an important well-known man, for he was indeed a famous man in Japan.

'**Douku-san**!' Nokoru and Hajime called the man at the same time.

Nokoru stood from his chair, and rushed towards the man. He gave the same greeting he'd given to his sister. '**I missed you a lot!'**

'I missed you a lot too! By the way, **happy birthday**, sweetheart!' Douku lowered his body, and lifted his dear brother. 'How are you today? Are you happy?'

'Yes! I'm very happy! Look what Hajime-san gave me!' He pointed at the new white piano. '**Isn't it wonderful**? And Hajime-san made it by herself! Can you believe that?' He told him excitedly.

Douku just smiled. **'Of course I believe you.'** He looked at Hajime who had just reached them. Realizing the question in Douku's eyes, Hajime shook her head. Douku would ask about the others, but he didn't want Nokoru to be hurt...

'Well... unfortunately,** I don't have a present **as gorgeous as your sister gave you... I'm sorry, I just arrived from the United States, and...'

'No... All I want is **to meet you**... that's all..' Nokoru shook his head; he was serious in his words.

'I'm sorry I have been very busy and hardly can see you...' Douku apologized. Being a well-known politician had made his life hard. He was interested in law and its enforcement since he was in the university. He chose his path to be a **politician**, and contributed his ideas in formulating the law policies in Japan. As one of the most respectable man in Japan, he also had a law firm under his guide to give people help to get equal justice. His firm won many cases, and his reputation is doubtless. **But his life was always in danger.** His reputation caused him lots of enemies who disagreed with his view or policies. Those were the reasons why **he rarely came back to his home**. But this time, he wanted so much to come... It was his dearest brother's birthday; he missed his last year's birthday, and **there was no way he wanted to miss another one.**

'But still... I have to give you something...' Douku thought for a second.. 'Ah! I know! **Tomorrow**.'

His handphone rang. Douku slowly put Nokoru down, and reached for it from his pocket. Hajime and Nokoru waited patiently for their brother to finish his conversation. Finally, Douku closed the connection. The conversation was over.

'Guess what?' He smiled. '**The others will be arriving here tomorrow!**' He looked at Nokoru. 'They told me to wish you a **happy birthday**!'

Nokoru couldn't be happier to know all his brothers and sisters were on their way to see him. 'R-Really?'

Douku nodded firmly. 'I've never **lied**, have I?'

Nokoru hugged him again. 'Thank you, oh, thank you!'

'Why do you thank me? Silly boy!' He touched his small nose, and smiled. 'Now where were we just now? Oh! **My present!'**

'Yes, I wondered what you'd give him.' Hajime giggled. She was very happy as well, since in fact nobody forgot Nokoru's birthday after all - _not like she thought they would._

'Tomorrow I have an invitation to visit a grand opening of an art exhibition in Tokyo Tower. Actually the exhibition was meant to collect charity for the poor and orphanage. **I want to take you there**, it will only take a while, and after that, we can return home and celebrate your birthday with the rest of the family. How is it? Do you like it?'

Hajime looked surprised.

Nokoru couldn't believe what he heard. **'Of course I want it!** It's gonna be so fun!' His smile was widening.

'How about you, Hajime? Are you coming with us?' Douku looked at her.

'_Huh_?' It seemed that she was wandering out of the space and had just come back to her place now. 'Oh. **no**. I'll guess I'll stay and prepare things needed for the party.'

'Well, then it'll be our **private date**, Nokoru-san.' Douku teased his brother.

'It's all right. I love going out with you.'

'Okay, enough for the chitchat! Look at the time! It's getting late now! I supposed you'll have to go to sleep now, Nokoru-san.' Hajime was gazing at the clock. Douku nodded as he agreed with his sister.

'Do you want me to tuck you in the bed, Nokoru-san?' Douku asked.

'**Yes, please!**' _/I would have a wonderful dream tonight. That if I can sleep./_

'Are you sure you're taking Nokoru with you to the festival?' Hajime asked Douku as she carefully closed Nokoru's door behind her. 'Isn't it too **dangerous **for both of you?'

Douku laughed. 'My dear sister, **don't be paranoid**. Of course not! I'll have lots of body guards to protect us. And anyway it's a government occasion, **who would possibly dare to mess up?'**

Hajime shook her head. She knew if his brother was determined to do something, then** nothing would change his mind.**

'Just be careful, please. **I don't want anything happen to any of you.'**

**'I will.'**

The next afternoon, they were ready to head to the exhibition. Nokoru felt it was the greatest day he'd ever had in his whole life. Being the richest family in Japan made him to live in a prison. He'd never be allowed to leave his home without any important reason. Now for the first time in his lifetime, he would visit a festival, and he's going to be accompanied by his beloved brother. At last, God granted his wish...

'Douku-san, look there! So many people and children... and over there! I see lots of dolls and... and...' It seemed he couldn't stop talking, Douku thought. He loved to see his brother happy, and wished he could spend more time with him.

'Now, now, sit nicely in the car _(it was a limousine),_ otherwise you might bump your head.'

But Nokoru was busy sight-seeing all the stuff he'd never seen before. And he just kept on telling them. Douku shook his head.

A moment later the car stopped, and a man opened the door for them. **'Welcome, Sir!'**

'Thank you!' Douku politely thanked the man. 'Nokoru-san, we've arrived now. **Are you ready?'**

'**Yes**!'

Taking his brother's hand, he leapt out of the car. Beyond of his imagination, the fair was extremely merry. Lots of people came and lined up to get to the main building. The exhibition committee seemed had already prepared a warm welcome special for the Imonoyamas, as they secured a line for both of the young masters to get through the crowd. Douku was quite satisfied. **Nothing could go wrong this time.** He had made a notice to the committee to extend the security, if they were expecting him to come over. He could see the result now. **He understood any demand made by an Imonoyama should be granted**, as his family had contributed a lot for the fair to be succeeded.

'Who are those people?' Nokoru asked while pointing his finger at a line of people with cameras on their hands.

'Oh! Those are reporters. Today's fair is extraordinary. There will be lots of i**mportant people** coming to this place; celebrities, the government, ministers, business men, and other important people.'

'Are we **important **too?'

Douku grinned. _/He is still very young. He doesn't know how important our family compared to other people.../_

'Come! Let's go inside!'

Nokoru smiled. He took his brother's hand and went to the building together. Just as they reached the main gate, their footsteps were stopped by a **shout** from the middle of the crowd. Both of them looked back to find the source of the voice. In a moment, Douku felt something **was not right**, he sensed something **dangerous **was going to happen.

And there was...it...

Everybody was in **panic**. The large crowd suddenly broke into pieces. **Every one was trying to save his/her own life**. It was a **chaos**. Douku couldn't think more other than to save Nokoru's life and get both of them to a safe place. Without second thought, he grabbed his brother's little body into his embrace, carried him, and fled as soon as possible into the building. He could hear two more shots.

_/Ignore them. Nokoru has to be safe, no matter what!/_

He threw himself into the door, laid Nokoru on the floor, and hurriedly returned to the door to close it. _/There's no more time! Quick!/_

Nokoru was **shocked**. He couldn't understand what happened. All he could see was his brother was in **a great fear** as he carried him into the building. He wanted to cry... never before he felt so... **scared**.. But crying would do no good - **_it would make things worse._** He remained silent and watched his brother's action in **horror**...

_/Now. What should I do? Damn! I don't care about my life.. I am worried about Nokoru./_

Douku examined the building. It seemed that the exhibition building was **empty**. Yes, he was the one who was invited to cut the streamer as a symbol of the opening. Before he did that, no one was allowed to enter the building. He soon found a cornered room, where a janitor used to put his/her cleaning tools in. Douku made some space that he thought was enough for both of them to hide. And he came back to fetch Nokoru who was left on the hall. He hurriedly carried him, got into the room, locked the door, sat on the floor, and cuddled his little brother.

'Douku-san.' Nokoru whispered. From his voice, Douku could tell how hard he was trying to hold his tears.

'Yes.'

_**'Are we going to be safe?'**_

'Are you afraid?'

Nokoru nodded. **'I'm... scared.'**

'Don't worry... I'm here. I'm right beside you... I'll **protect **you... **Always**.' Douku felt he was going to cry as well. He was very afraid too... He should have listen to Hajime's warn.. Damn those people... Why for one day in his life, he couldn't taste a little happiness... **Just a little.**

He tightened his hug... He didn't know why his body was shivering... **He was getting cold..** _/May be I have to talk to Nokoru to encourage him./_

'We're playing **hide and seek** now.. Those are bad guys who are searching for us.. **If they cannot find us, we'll be the winner, and beat them**. Do you understand?' Douku smiled - **a forced smile.**

Nokoru didn't say anything. He was too scared to answer. He dipped his head into his brother's embrace. The only thing he had to do... the only thing he could do was... to wait... **a desperate wait**. **Douku's back was paining**... Now that he had settled, he could feel the **hot bullet nesting in his body**. One of the shot had hit him in the back.. He wanted to collapse... But he could not...

**He dared not.**

He knew if he losed his conscious, he would go, and it might be **forever**... Not because he was afraid to **die**, he just couldn't leave his brother behind. Not in this condition... He could feel his hot blood streaming down his body, and he tried his best to cover it up in such way so that Nokoru couldn't see it... **He couldn't see it... no matter what...**

He said his **last prayer. **_/God, if I had to die today. then **please don't let Nokoru witness it.**/_

Breathing was getting difficult.. Tears were stinging his eyes..

**_/I had to hold on... I had to... for Nokoru.../_**

Both of them were hugging each other. Douku could feel **someone was approaching their hiding place.** His fear was growing intensely...

'**Find where they are hiding!** We cannot lose them. We must get Imonoyama Douku **alive or dead!**'

_/So... They were after me.. /_

Douku could feel Nokoru's hug tightened. He could feel the little boy's body shaking. Douku could not hold his tears anymore... The picture that his brother would be killed because of his fault, **terrified him so much...**

**Because of his being childish..**

'Nokoru...' He whispered.

Nokoru put up his head and looked at him. Douku could see tears in his lovely blue eyes. Eyes he longed to see all these times... Eyes that soon he would be missing...

'Can you wait here? Promise me no matter what happen y**ou'll stay here... and be quiet...'**

Nokoru disbelieved what his brother just told him to do. 'Noo... they're looking for you... Don't go!'

'I have to, otherwise **they'll get us both..'**

'No! No! No! I won't let you. Please... please stay with me...' He was sobbing.

Douku couldn't stand it. He cared too much for him, and he hated to make him cry. All he could do now was... nothing...

**BRAKKK!**

The door was forcefully opened. Douku felt his world was coming to an end, as he felt Nokoru was taken from his embrace violently.

**'NO! LEAVE HIM ALONE!'** He shouted trying to steal back his brother from the outlaws. He was failed. One of the men kicked his chest so hard, that he was falling down to the floor. **One man was aiming his gun to him, while another was aiming his to Nokoru's head.**

'HAHAHHAHAHAA... **Finally we caught them! **Look who's here? The youngest son of the Imonoyamas, **Imonoyama Nokoru-sama.** What a prize..!'

**'God damn you!'** Douku tried to get up on his feet. '**I won't let you go with this.'**

'Oh? Really?'

'Let me go! Let me go!' Nokoru tried his best to escape. But he was not strong enough.

The villain continued. 'No wonder he is so precious to you. Such a cute face.' He smoothed Nokoru's face with his gun. 'I wonder what will happen to him if I...'

'Don't you Dare. **Don't touch him!** Let him go.. What do you want?'

'What do I want? I have no idea.. **Not yet!** I'll think of something later. ' He showed an evil grin on his wicked face.

'Listen! It's me who you want... **Leave him out of this!'**

'Ahahahaha! Nonsense! Now that I have both of you, of course **I'll get bigger prize!'**

Douku hardly could breathe; he lost so much blood, and had no more strength to fight..

On the other hand, Nokoru was still struggling to get away from the villain's grasp. When he didn't notice him, Nokoru bit his hand. The man felt the terrible pain on his hand and in a reflect he let go of his grasp. **Nokoru's effort was successful.** Knowing he had managed to escape from the man, he ran to get back to his brother.

'**SHIT! That son of bitch bit me!**' The man shook his paining hand. 'So... you wanna play with me?** Eat this!'**

Douku was terrified to see the villain aim his gun towards his little brother. He knew there was no time to think what he had to do. Ignoring the other man who kept an eye on him, he grabbed Nokoru's body, hugged him, and turned his back around to **cover **him.

Douku didn't care about himself anymore. **He closed his eyes preparing himself for the worst to come.**_ /Please God! Don't hurt him! Don't hurt my Nokoru./_

That sound again... This time, Douku couldn't stay on his feet anymore. **He fell on his knees.** Another bullet was planted in his weak body. He knew he couldn't stand it much longer...

'Douku-san?' Nokoru was shocked. He still couldn't figure what had happened, since it went so fast. But one thing for sure, **he was scared to death.**

Douku didn't say anything. He smiled. 'I... I'm fine.'

Nokoru felt his palms were **wet and sticky**. He was frightened to see his hands and shirt were covered with **fresh blood**... The blood of his dear brother..

'No... no... Douku-san... Please stay with me... **Please don't die...**' His tears began to stream down through his cheeks. 'I... I don't want to lose you... Please...'

'I'm alright... **I've promised you before, never to leave you right?**' He lifted his hand to wipe away the tears. How he was going to miss those blue eyes... It was so scary that he realized he would not be able to see them anymore..

_Why did this have to happen? _Only **God **knew the answer.

The two villains were busy fighting each other. If Imonoyama Douku died, they would be in a great trouble. Right at the moment, Nokoru could hear lots of people were approaching them.

**'FREEZE! DON'T MOVE! POLICE! DROP YOUR WEAPON!'**

'Douku-san... Douku-san... We're **saved**! Look! The police are here! They have come to rescue us. **Look**!' Nokoru didn't get any answer from his brother. He could only see his brother's smile, but he couldn't see his glorious blue eyes open, **Douku has closed his eyes...**

**Forever...**

He'd gone...

* * *

Nokoru closed his eyes and he could feel his tears falling from his blue eyes, and ended on the piano's key. The song had ended long before he returned from his past. He could still remember that... Seemed it only happened **yesterday**... How his happiness suddenly turned into his most fearful sorrow... He still remembered Douku's smile before he'd gone... so peacefully written on his face...

**_/I promise I never leave you right?/_**

Yes, he kept his promise till his **death**. Nokoru still remembered how the family was shocked. They didn't gather for a party that day...Instead, they gathered for** a death ceremony.**.. He was not crying in the funeral.. None of them cried. And of course, **nobody remembered his birthday anymore.. **Ever since.

Till now.

Not because they'd forgotten it, it was just **unbearable **to remember the accident happened the day after. And they wanted to keep Nokoru's heart from being wounded. On the day they buried Douku's body, he was in his room. Facing his piano, he began playing the song his sister taught him... the only song he could play... Now he played the song again... For someone he lost, someone he loved... And he sang along the song... an old song.

'**Dream**'.

_**When I want you, just close my eyes,**_  
_** When I need you.**_  
_** All I have to do just dream.**_  
_** All I have to do just dream.**_

_** Dream**_...

* * *

**To be continued..**


	6. Truth

**Chapter 6** is coming... From this chap I guess the story is going to be more complicated _. Hope you still enjoy your reading...

**DISCLAIMER:** The characters of the story are not belong to me. They belong to the talented Clamp artists, whom I thank them for creating such wonderful characters.

I got a question about the order of the Imonoyamas children in my fanfic. Here they are: 1. Imonoyama Douku (m) 2. Imonoyama Owaru (m) 3. Imonoyama Owari (m) 4. Imonoyama Hajime (f) 5. Imonoyama Houtako (f) 6. Imonoyama Amaru (m) 7. Imonoyama Nokoru (m)

So... in my fanfic, the youngest child of the Imonoyamas is **Nokoru**.

**_Enjoy your reading now..._**

* * *

**Chapter 6: Truth**

* * *

**'I don't know you still remember that song.'**

Nokoru was startled. He glanced to his opened door. He didn't realize **someone was standing there** for quite some time, watching him playing the piano in silent, and of course, watching his tears streaming down on his cheek unstoppably . He turned his face away as fast as he could, and quickly wept his tears so the unwelcome guest couldn't see them.

'Did I **disturb **you?' The elegant green-hared lady slowly approached him. 'Nokoru-san?'

Nokoru shook his head. 'No. Not at all.' **Smiling**. 'Please come in. Hajime-san.'

Pretty strange, she could sense **sadness **in such a sweet smile, instead of happiness. Anyway, Hajime smiled as a return of his.

'I... I am sorry for not attending today's meeting. I was stuck in the campus this morning...' Nokoru tried to make an excuse.

'Oh. It's okay. **I hate the meeting as well,** we were just fighting over the same thing day by day, and...' She paused, thinking whether she should inform what had happened in the meeting while he was not around - but then again perhaps **better not**.

'I guess Owaru-san must be mad at me. **He surely gets me for this.'** Nokoru gave a weak smile. Imagining what Owaru would do to him just made him got on his nerve. This time he knew he would be in a big trouble. And how he hated quarrelling with his brother despite what the matter was.

'Is it still **hurt**?' Hajime carefully asked.

'Hmh?' Seemed not to understand the question, he looked into his sister's eyes.

'Yesterday.. Owaru **slapped **you.' Hajime lifted her hand, and touched her brother's cheek, right on the spot where Owaru had slapped him the day before.

Nokoru just shook his head without saying anything. But somehow, Hajime knew deep inside his heart, he was still **wounded**... But she didn't ask more, she just kept the question for herself...

'Can I **sit together **with you?' Hajime politely asked.

Seemed to be waken up from his thoughts, Nokoru immediately moved aside to give his sister's some space to sit on with him. 'Forgive me for being impolite, I should have offered a lady a seat... **especially you.**'

Hajime smiled hearing his brother's word. As usual, Nokoru always acted as a highly mannered man. 'Oh. come on... **It's OK!'** She grinned.

'What song are you playing just now? Ah! Yes.. **This song...**' Hajime's fingers started to dance on the keys, slowly but firm, and it was totally different from the way Nokoru played. Of course she was more professional than him, for **music was her life... her breath...** But still, they shared **a common thing**. Either Nokoru or Hajime who played the song, to anyone who listened to it, the song would bring the.. **Sorrow**. The song was **hurting **their hearts as Hajime played the flowing tunes. Nokoru couldn't stand it anymore.. Finally, he broke down...** into million of tears, a**nd so did Hajime. She had no choice than to **stop **the melody... She couldn't bear it either. It had been along time ago... over twenty years ago, but yet, **the scar still existed.** The **memory**... The **pain**... **They stayed.** Everything had changed, but the wound had not been cured, it was still **bleeding** and kept **torturing** them... Since that moment, Imonoyamas never gathered together again. They **separated**. They realized if they had been together in the same place and in the same time, they would invite **disaster**. _**They had lost one of them, and it was enough.. It was too much.**_ Since that day, they swore they'd rather be in **loneliness**, than to endanger their loved ones... They built a cage around themselves... **a prison**. They would lock themselves in, and throw away the key... And they wouldn't let anyone to come in... even to knock at their door..

'I guessed I forget the tunes already... **I am sorry...**' Hajime whispered. She could her tears sting her eyes. Her vision was getting blurred... eventually her silvery tears were dropping as heavy raindrops falling from the sky...

'It's alright, Hajime-san.. **Let it be**...' Nokoru wept his tears again. Carefully, he touched his sister's hand, and put his other hand around his sister's shoulder, pulling her into his warm embrace...

She couldn't hold it much longer... She **revealed **the question she had been longing to ask, but she **never was brave enough** to ask it... Since she knew actually there would be **no answer** to her question... 'I... I don't understand... **WHY**?' She paused, clearing her throat... '**Why he had to die...** Why he had to leave us?' Hajime was buried in her cry. She hugged Nokoru so tight, so tight as if she was going to lose him if she ever let him go.

'**Nobody understands**... Only **God **knows the answer.' That was the best answer Nokoru could get by that time... and there was no other answer...

**'GOD?'** Her sister's screaming startled him. In a sudden, Hajime got up from her seat, and moved away from him and the white piano.

**'I don't believe in GOD!** Where is He when all of this happened? Why He was **ignoring **us... why... why... **He didn't help him**?' Hajime couldn't continue her words; she could only cry in pain... **A pain that couldn't be cured** by words only.

Nokoru got up from his set to approach his poor sister... Right at this moment... **nothing could ease the pain she was feeling in her heart**. Nothing could make her contented... He realized that it was not an answer **why Douku had to die **that she asked for, because it was **not her real question. **Her true question was... **why she couldn't die with him. Hajime loved Douku.** Among all her brothers (besides Nokoru), she loved him the most. She could still remember the first day she realized that **it was not an ordinary love** she felt for him - _not the kind of love a brother and a sister could have _- she was in the seventh heaven. They felt for each other **passions**, when Douku had a graduation celebration in the Imonoyama mansion. Since he couldn't find any better place with such luxury and safety, he decided to invite all his friends to come and celebrated the event in his mansion. Anyway, Imonoyamas had always loved parties.** That lovely night was truly unforgettable**. When it came to graduation dance part, **Douku chose her to be his dance partner.** And it began. The footsteps Hajime could still remember years later, the passion they felt in their heart as their bodies leaned at each other, and the music. She wished the song would never end... and so was the night... Anywhere he'd gone, he would keep contact with her. **Hajime was certain Douku was her soul mate.** If Douku was sad or unhappy, so did her. They shared their emotion, life, love, and yes, they made a perfect couple. Once, she was desperate with their future. They realized t**hey could never unite in marriage**. They were brother and sister, and moreover, they were Imonoyamas. What their family would think, and what the world would think about them. But no matter what it would cause them, they swore to each other that **they would stay together as long as they could, t**hat nothing could come between their love, the love that came from one blood of theirs. The love that was **forbidden**. _The love that they had to hide till the grave swallowed their life._

Until... **death do them apart.**

And...

On the day Douku died, Hajime was completely shocked. She didn't cry in the funeral. She hid her tears, but in her heart **she was bleeding to death.** Hajime regretted she didn't join the trip. If only she was there, it might not happen. She might be able to help them, or... at least, **she would be the one who died... or died with him.** Why him? If it had to be him, **why him only? **Why He didn't take her as well? What would she become without him? Where should he go without him?** A soul without its pair.** Her life was incomplete. Only music comforted her heart since that day. Music became her love... her life... or perhaps her **escapism**.. From her misbalanced life. **A life that had no future.** There was time she wanted to commit **suicide**, to runaway from the fact that **Douku left her. It was unfair!** She slightly pushed Nokoru away from her, and fled from the scene. All her life, she had been hiding... concealing all the truth... about her wish... her life... and her love...

Now **- for the first time in her life -** she was determined to do something that **would not against her heart**, to do what she always wanted to do... And she would never cover it again, for that was - **the Truth.**

**The Truth..**

**To be continued..**


	7. Betrayal

**Chapter 7: Betrayal**

* * *

Suoh still didn't know what had brought him here to the great place of Imonoyamas resident. After all happened to him and Nokoru this morning, he had to be **crazy **for coming over his house to have another meeting with him. But then again, it might be true... **He was crazy.** His eyes were empty as he reached to the door of the Imonoyamas resident. He fixed his appearance, before he entered it. Once he was sure he was perfect, slowly he raised his hand to knock at the door, and just before his hand could touch the door's surface, someone had opened the door for him. It was the Imonoyamas governess. Politely he bowed a little to show his guest a respect. _Who would not know the most respectful and trustable bodyguard of the Imonoyamas anyway?_

'Welcome, Takamura-sama.' as he greeted Suoh.

Suoh was slightly frowned. He expected the mini camera hidden in the gate he just entered with his car informed his presence here now. He politely returned his respect by bowing his head a little. '**I wish to meet Nokoru-sama** for a moment..'

'**Sure**. Nokoru-sama would be very happy with your coming. He's just right in his bedroom at the moment. **Should I inform him to meet you in the guest room?'**

Just before Suoh answered it, a handsome tall man appeared behind the governess.**'Who is it?**' He asked. His voice was filled with dignity, as he moved his firm footsteps closer to them.

'It's **Takamura-sama** who paid the visit, **young master**.'

Suoh noticed it must be **an important person** in the family, as the governess bowed his head deeply to him. When the man was closed enough, Suoh held his breath. Suddenly, **he forgot how to breathe.** Before him, stood **a tall and extremely handsome man**. He had the golden-hared and a pair of blue eyes just like Nokoru's. If he didn't notice the height and age difference, he might think it was Nokoru.

'So you are Takamura.. Nice to meet you!' He offered his hand.

Suoh suddenly turned nervous, as he shook his hand.

'I guess you must be wandering who I am. I am **Imonoyama Owaru,** Nokoru's eldest brother.'

When he heard his name, Suoh was **damn **startled. He was blushing. He never guessed he would meet other Imonoyamas besides Nokoru. Concerning their reputation, only few people who had the opportunity to meet the Imonoyamas, and **he was not one definitely.**

Owaru tried his best** not to giggle** to see his brother's bodyguard reaction. Well, he was not the first person who acted like that when meeting him. He raised his hand to dismiss the governess who followed his order obediently. 'I want to extend **my gratitude for protecting my brother's life**.' Owaru bowed his body.

'No. no.' Suoh bowed awkwardly. 'It is** my honor** the Imonoyama trusted me to do it.'

Owaru smiled. Suoh wondered why all the Imonoyamas had such** a beautiful smile, but yet so... sad**, beautiful sapphire eyes, but full of... **loneliness**.. And** his Nokoru** also owned those...

'Come in please. Make yourself at home. I guess this is your **first time **visiting the Imonoyamas resident.' Owaru lifted his arm to invite him coming in.

'Yes. I... I just came by to give something to Nokoru-sama... I promised not to take long time, since I understand you are having **a family gathering.'** Suoh put out a white envelope from his pocket. 'Or perhaps I should leave it with you to be passed to him.. He must be **very busy** at the moment.'

'No, **not at all**!' Owaru shook his head. His blue eyes widened. '**Today's meeting was cancelled.** All the family member, except us, and one of our sister, had gone to their respective companies.' He smiled. 'You're most welcome here, and I believe Nokoru **will be very happy** to have you here.'

Suoh **doubted **that.

'I guess you better meet him in his room, so you **may deliver the letter in person**.' Owaru added, and started to climb the main stairs.

Suoh understood there was no way to **refuse **it. He just had to follow him; anyway, Owaru might be **right**. He had to make everything clear with Nokoru... Before...

* * *

Nokoru was on his bed;** opening his white blank fan**. A fan that symbolizes an Imonoyama... The only thing an Imonoyama could carried unto his/her **grave**... Just like Douku did... It had been some time **he hadn't written anything** on it. Long time ago, it was so easy to write words on it, he could express whatever his feeling was on the fan... But now.. **_Why it was hard to write even one single word on it?_** Perhaps... Perhaps he just **didn't want anyone to know his feeling.** Perhaps because he wanted to **conceal **his true feeling. His thoughts soon fled away as he heard a knock at the door.

_**/It must be Hajime-san./**_

Nokoru **left his fan on his bed** as he walked to the door to open it. He reached the door handle. Twisted it... Pulled it back... And...

* * *

'How is the campus nowadays? I believe you have so much **improvement **in it...' Owaru tried to build conversation between them as they were heading to Nokoru's bed.

Suoh nodded. '**Yes**.' But he could not continue it. **His mind was in a mess**. He was busy thinking what he would say to Nokoru if he got to see him later.

All of a sudden, Owaru stopped. He seemed to have **struggle in his thoughts**. 'Suoh-san, how is Nokoru doing lately? **Is he fine?'**

Suoh didn't expect he would be asked such a question. 'Yes. I guess he is just **fine**.' He looked to Owaru's blue eyes. '**Anything wrong?**'

Owaru looked downward for a moment, and shook his head. '**Just my feeling, I supposed.**' He lifted his face, and smiled weakly. 'Come, shall we go on?'

Suoh didn't say anything; he followed him without asking further question.

'_**How do you feel about him?**_' Owaru whispered.

'Huh?' Suoh was shocked. He stopped his feet instantly. '**Wh- What do you mean?**'

Owaru grinned. 'Hmh? I just asked you _**how do you feel about him**_?'

'I. I.. ' He was speechless.

'Do you **love **him?'

Suoh almost dropped his jaws when he heard the question. 'I.. I..' Then again, **he lost his words.**

Owaru just smiled to observe the man's reaction. 'It's not **your fault** if you're **falling in love with him**..' He sighed.

Suoh looked at him. He could feel the **sorrow **in Owaru's voice.

'He has such **a beautiful soul **that makes anyone who witness it drown into its beauty. I don't know it is **a bless or a curse**.. But at least I know that his beauty has caused **disaster**.' He paused and stared at the blue-hared man before him. 'You should know it **better **than me.. You're the one who always be with him...' He looked downward. 'Sometimes I'm **jealous **to you. **You spend more time with him than I do... He better has you as a brother than me.'**

'Owaru-sama..' Suoh believed he could see **tears **coming out from the corners of Owaru's eyes.

Owaru struck his head back, and looked at Suoh. Suoh was startled to see **the change** in the man before him. He didn't see the desperate man like he saw just now. It was the **menacing **Owaru who stared at him.

'But no matter what.. **I will try to protect him in my own way.** I will show **no mercy** to those who hurt his feeling..' Suoh could feel the sharp look in his blue eyes. 'And that's **including you**, Takamura-san.'

**'..'**

Both of the men were in **silence**, as they looked each other for some moments later.

* * *

'**Hajime-san?**' Nokoru was smiling as he opened the door.

He could see in seconds that there was **something shiny was running into him**. But he couldn't **avoid **it. It happened so fast till he could feel that it landed in his ribs, and it felt **so sharp and cold**. The next thing he realized that there was **something warm streaming out of his body**.

'Hajime-san?'

Slowly **he fell **to the ground who embraced him with its coldness. Hajime was standing at the door. She was stunned with **a knife covered with fresh blood in her hand..**.

_/'No! It's alright, even though no one else come, **I still have you**!/._

_/'You're right. After all, **I'm here beside you**, am I?' She kissed her brother's cheek. 'And **I love you so much**..'/_

**_/'I love you so much too!'/_**

All the memories she had, returned to her at that moment. She couldn't stand it anymore... **Disbelieving what she'd done, she dropped the knife..**

_/Why? Why?/_

Hajime covered her head with **hands full of blood**, and screamed. **A scream of betrayal.**

**To be continued..**


	8. Death

**Chapter 8: Death**

* * *

The **scream**..Owaru and Suoh were shocked by the scream. Suoh sensed** something wrong happened**. He could feel his heartbeat grow faster. He didn't know why, but he knew he just had to run as fast as he could.. He had to be there.. He had to be** with him... **He believed **something **had happened to him... He didn't care about his surroundings anymore. He just knew **he had to run**... run... **As if nothing else mattered.**

_/Nokoru!/_

He forgot about Owaru, who was trying his best to keep up with him. Of course, Owaru couldn't run as fast as he was, but just like Suoh, he was **panic.** He was not sure what had happened, but he could **sense **something was not right... Both of them arrived in front of the room almost at the same time... And **they were shocked to see the scene** before them... They could see Hajime was sitting on the floor with her hands covering her head. She seemed to have lost her consciousness as she kept muttering something. Not far from her, they could see Nokoru's body covered with f**resh blood** and was laid over a puddle of blood. **Blood**... Suoh felt **his heartbeat stopped.** For seconds, he refused to admit what had happened to his Nokoru... For a moment, he just **stunned **there. For a moment, the world stopped spinning for him. He really did not know what he had to do next..

**'NOOOOOOO!'** He screamed, tried to deny everything he saw. He ran into the room, kneeled down beside Nokoru's limp, and grabbed it into his embrace. 'Nooo! This is not happening. **This is not happening!**' He broke in tears. He put his hands behind the blonde's head, and kissed his forehead. 'Nooo, noooo, **please don't!**' Suoh couldn't think clearly by that time, he was rocking his body back and forth, cradling him.

_/I have to do something. **I won't give up!**/_

Immediately, he laid Nokoru's body back to the floor, and began to give him CPR. He pressed his wound with his own jacket. He tried everything to stop the bleeding. Once he could not feel Nokoru's pulse. Then he tried again... again... He breathed into his mouth over and over... ignoring his surrounding. He was panic. **Nokoru was getting cold.**

_/No. I had to make him warmer. I still had my chance./_

'I'm not going to give up on you. **NEVER! **So **don't you ever dare to give up on me.** Are **listening **to me?'

'Wake up, Nokoru! **Wake up!** Don't you dare leaving me behind! **Nokoru!'**

_/Nokoru!/_

Only** one name **mattered to him now.. **Nokoru**.

* * *

Owaru was stunned there. He was terribly shocked of what had happened. The fact that **his sister had murdered her own brother** made him... made him... **Powerless**. He was standing there not knowing what to do. **Never before he lost his confidence.** For the first time in his life, he was damned **scared **now... He couldn't bear not to **tremble**... He could feel his whole body was shaking. He kneeled before Hajime, lifting his both hands slowly to her shoulders.

'Hajime-san.' There was no answer from her. Her blue eyes were wet by tears, but... they were so... **empty**... **'HAJIME-SAN!' **Owaru raised his voice, and she was startled by it.

'O- Owaru-san.. I. I.' She paused, looking at her younger brother's body on the blood puddle with Suoh beside it. 'What... What happened?' She whispered. **'Did I kill him?'**

Owaru was scared. He couldn't answer it... For he didn't know the answer... for he **_didn't want to know the answer._**

* * *

Suoh was still struggling to get Nokoru's life back.** He refused to fail.** He never failed before, so there was no way he could afford failing this time... After few minutes he tried mouth-to-mouth perspiration, Nokoru began to show a life sign. **He choked.** Suoh was damned happy to see it. He almost hugged him so tight if he didn't realize the wound on his stomach.

The blonde boy started to open his eyes slowly. 'Su-Suoh?' He focused his eyes more to get a clearer sight. **'I'm not dreaming, am I?'**

'No... You're not dreaming. **I'm here.** I'm beside you. **Look**!' He lifted Nokoru's delicate hand and placed it on his cheek, where Nokoru could feel the wet tears.

Nokoru smiled. He hated to see Suoh cried. _**Every time he cried, it was always because of him... **_He didn't deserve it.. He couldn't make him happy.. He made him cry instead... 'I- I'm **cold**.' Nokoru wanted to get up, but he could feel the pain in his stomach.

'You'll be alright. You'll be alright..' He hugged the man's body. The panic he'd just loosened was coming back to him. Suoh glared to Owaru's eyes. 'Quick! **Call the ambulance!'**

Owaru was frowned. For a moment, he was confused what had been ordered to him. ** Never before someone gave an order to him**; he was the one who gave commands to them. But he quickly stood on his feet, and got out from the room to find help.

'You'll be just **fine**. You have to hold on.' Suoh tightened his hug.

Nokoru smiled. He knew Suoh was lying. He didn't believe he could **survive **this time. He couldn't feel any more pain now, except for **the pain in his heart.** The pain caused by... The fact he **would leave** his... **Suoh**. **Forever**. It was scary.. He never thought he would be the one to leave him... but somehow, perhaps it might be **better**.. For he realized sooner later one of them had to leave... And he was glad** he would die in the first place.** He'd lost one of his beloved ones... He couldn't stand it if he had to lose another... This moment, just this moment, might be, **the last moment..**. Let him carved the face of his precious one **for the last time in his heart...** Nokoru almost closed his eyes, when he could feel a drop of green hair to his bloody hands. He looked at the pale woman, and smiled. 'Hajime-san...' He called her name softly.

Hajime was shocked. She couldn't say anything. not even an **apology**.

Nokoru tried to sit up, but he fell again. Luckily, he was caught by Suoh's embrace. Nokoru smiled thankfully to him. Slowly but sure, he took the distressed lady's hand into his.

Hajime could feel the cold in his hands. Somehow she knew he might not be able to make it.. And it made her tear dripping, and ended on his hands..

'Don't cry.. I hate to see a beautiful lady like you to cry... **Smile for me please.'**

She blinked her eyes to stop the falling tears. **Yes**. that was **Nokoru**, her silver-tongue Nokoru... Even Suoh couldn't help to smile hearing those familiar words...

'I. I'm sorry..' Paused. **'I don't know why.'** She stopped. Tears falling again from her eyes. She tried her best to hold, but she couldn't.

Nokoru didn't say anything. He was **too weak** to answer. But then he gained his strength to say something he wanted to say from long time ago...  
**'Thank you..'**

Hajime was startled. She disbelieved her ears. **_How come after all she'd done to him, Nokoru could still thank her?_** 'I-I don't **understand**...' She whispered.

'Thank you... for **taking revenge for Douku-san**.' Nokoru continued.

Suoh **was shocked** to hear his words. He glanced at Hajime who was as confused as him.

'**I know**. I understand.' Nokoru took a deep breath - _he never felt hard to breathe before._ 'Every thing happened to Douku-san was **my fault.** Because of me, **he died**. I understand if you want **to take revenge on me**.' He smiled.

'You... **you knew?'**

He nodded.

'But-but **how**?' She paused. **'How did you know?'**

He just smiled. 'I saw you holding the knife in your room early this morning. And somehow, **I know you'll use it to kill someone**.. I could see it in your eyes, and if **there was someone you wanted to kill so much**, then the person would be.. **Me**.' He looked at her deeply. 'Hajime-san.. I'm sorry that I **had hurt your heart** so much. It was hurt to see you puzzled all these years.. **Drowning into your loneliness...**' He closed his eyes. 'I know you've been **escaping **from us all these years, like every body else in the family does..'

Suoh could see tears began to creep out from Nokoru's blue eyes.

'And I know it was **my fault**. **I'm the one who made you all runaway from your own life.** That's why...' Paused. 'That's why **I hate to be an Imonoyama.'**

Suoh gasped. He looked at Hajime, trying to find an answer. But there was... **none**.

**'I don't deserve to be an Imonoyama..**. I don't deserve anyone's love... ' Nokoru lifted his hand to cover his eyes. 'All I can do is breaking your heart. _**I was the one who killed Douku-san.'**_

There was a silence in the room. All they could feel was just **a thick mist of sadness.** Everybody's eyes were in tears.

'Su-Suoh..' He called his name as he tried to fix his laying posture, but no matter how he tried to fix it, he felt worse. He knew he had lost lots of blood... And the puddle beneath him was wider.

Suoh was startled.. Seemed he just returned from somewhere from outer space. 'Yes. I'm here.'

'I don't think I can help you with the paper works anymore.. ' He smiled. He knew if it was in a normal condition, he would see Suoh complaining on him, and showed his frustration face...

If he were still a child, Suoh believed he would cry as loud as he could... Kicking his feet all way around, trying to get what he wanted, no matter what it would take. 'Don't say that. You know I need **you **to do it.. I could not do it all by myself.'

Nokoru smiled... **'You can...'** He touched Suoh's gentle cheek.. 'You can do everything..'

'No.. no. I cannot.. **Not without you...** Please..' Suoh hold Nokoru's hand so tight, as he was afraid if he ever let it go, the angel in his grasp would fly away, leaving him alone in this damned world. 'If you have to go, **take me with you**... Please...' He bowed his head deeply; trying to conceal his tears. He was after all** a warrior**.

Nokoru felt his heart broken into pieces... 'I will.. **I will take you in my heart. Always**..' He bit his lips. **'I'm sorry...'**

Suoh felt his body trembling. He didn't know whether it was caused by his frustration or because he wanted so much to giggle on Nokoru's last word. _/I'm sorry. Yes.. It was **the first sentence** he told me on the first day I swore to protect him./_ 'Stupid...' He smiled. In a glance, he could see the memories he had with him all these years. How he loved his smile, his laugh, his shining blonde hair waiting before the window... **But never in his dream he was going to lose him...**

'I missed **my fan**. Could you get it for me? Suoh..' Nokoru looked at him.

'Huh?' He searched around. '**Where is it?'**

'On **my bed...'** He tried to point at his bed... But he was too weak to do it.

'I'll get it... **Wait...'** Suoh laid Nokoru's body slowly on the floor. When he was sure the man's body was laid safely, he got up and started to approach the bed. It took only a few seconds for him to spot where the fan was. Nokoru left it right on his pillow, just before he got up to open his door. Having found the fan, Suoh turned around to take the fan to its owner... 'I found it.. It was-' He paused. He could see Hajime cover her head with both of her hands. She looked so distressed... She seemed she wanted to scream... He quickly turned his sight to Nokoru... **He was still there**, right on the place where he laid him... But... **He was not moving..**.

_/Was he..?/_

Suoh **dropped** the fan from his hand... To the floor.

_**/Dead?/**_

**To be continued -**


	9. Pain and Disease

**Chapter 9: Pain and Disease**

* * *

Suoh was still standing there with a fan that he just dropped by his feet, when Owaru and the hospital's emergency crew came through the door. He was still stunned on his feet, while all the medics started to examine Nokoru's body. Just before his eyes, he saw they gave him CPR in the same way he did before.. **But he made no movement...** He felt all his world suddenly sunk into the sea of darkness, that made him feel, see, and hear **nothing** at all. When he began to get his consciousness back, he realized he was already in the **hospital**. He recognized the dead white color, the smell of medicine, and... **the silence.** He was not sure it was **heaven or hell**.. But that didn't concern him too much... he felt **all his life had gone,** gone with the **dropped fan**..

_/Why I should follow his order and take that damned fan?/_

Suoh **blamed himself** for Nokoru's unconsciousness. In his mind, if only he stayed beside him, Nokoru wouldn't sleep into **oblivion**. Never before he was so scared. He was never afraid of his death... But **Nokoru's death**?

**No**.

Nokoru had to **survive**. _No matter how._

_/I still had something to say to him../_

Owaru's pat on his back swiftly put him in his world again.. Suoh rose his head and met the two blue-eyes in front of him... they were exactly the same with his Nokoru's eyes.. **Sad and lonely.**

'How are you?' Owaru gently asked him.

He didn't answer him at once. 'How is he?' He replied the question.

Owaru shook his head, he didn't know the answer.. and **he wished nobody would ask him that question**. 'I don't know either.. They are still trying to save him in there.'

Both of the men looked at the white door in front of them. The red sign on its top was still lighting, as a sign that there was still an operation being executed.

'I. I'm sorry..' Suoh bowed down to Owaru. **'I cannot protect him.'**

**'STOP IT!'**

Suoh was startled.

'**Stop apologizing to me**.. If someone had to be blamed, than the blame was on **me**.' Owaru looked sharply to the blue-hared man. 'You are **not perfect**, Takamura. **Don't try to be.'**

Suoh felt there was **a big meaning** in those words. Owaru turned his sight from him, and paid his full attention to the door. Somehow he hoped it would be opened soon, how he hated to wait... If it would be **good news**, he would never mind to wait even for centuries... But if it turned out to be **bad **news, **let it be**.. He just didn't want to wait **desperately.**.

* * *

Today was **Nokoru's birthday**. He was very excited since early in the morning. **Imonoyama Owaru** was in Australia by that time, taking his college in Australian International Centre for Early Childhood. As soon as he was graduated from his high school, he took his lessons there because it was his wish to be a teacher, and he loved **teaching **little children. He believed it was his path of life.. Something he would enjoy working in.. he wanted to be **a teacher**. It was hard at the first time, he had to separate with his family, especially with little Nokoru. He just adored children.. And to him, Nokoru was **his perfect angel**. it always was. he carried his photograph in his wallet everywhere he would go.. He never missed saying Nokoru's name in his prayers every night... And today was his birthday. there was no way he was going to miss it. He hardly could wait for the day to come even since a month ago. Unfortunately, before he returned to Japan, he had to have an examination first... That's why he was one-day late for Nokoru's birthday. But that wouldn't a matter.. Nokoru would **forgive **him.. He was an angel after all...

Owaru entered his room, and rapidly packed his things in his luggage to be taken to the airport. He had booked the ticket, and he had called Douku to pick him up the next day. He didn't forget to ask him to wish a happy birthday to his dear brother as well. Finished checking all the things in his luggage, Owaru reached for his drawer. It was a mess inside it, but he seemed to let it be. He didn't like to tidy up his things.. He might be the most talented teacher among his colleagues, and the brightest student ever in the class as his tutors told him... But **he was not perfect.** He knew it... After seconds, his hand searching, **he found it**. A little black box with a lock. Gently he unlocked the box, and opened the lit.. It was a key chain.. It was a **star**, made of bronze, and it was shining as ever... He smiled to it.. He could almost see Nokoru who would smile widely when he opened it. All these times, when he called him, Nokoru always told him how he wanted to see what **the stars looked like over there**.. Across the sea...

_/'Hello? Nokoru-san?'/_

_/'Yes, speaking. Who is this?/_

_/It's me. Owaru-san.'/_

_/Owaru-san! I miss you a lot!'/_

_/'Silly! I've just gone for two days. and you've already missed me?/_

_/'Yes. of course..'/_ Owaru could feel Nokoru's sadness by that time, even though he was not looking at him directly.

_/'How are you?/_

_/'I'm. fine. It was just so **lonely **here../_

_/'I'm sorry I had to leave you.. /_

_/'No. you have to.. You have to chase after your **dream**.'/ _Sometimes Owaru was amazed to his brother's **matureness **in such a young age.

_/'You know what.. **You can see me every night.'**/_

_/'Really? How?'/_

_/'Look at the **stars**..'/_

_/'Stars?'/_

_/'Yes. **If you look at them, you'll be near to me.**'/_

_/'How?'/_

_/'Because we are **sleeping under the same star**.. Just remember that. then you won't feel alone anymore.'/_

That was his last conversation in phone with Nokoru. How he missed the laugh he heard after the conversation. And soon he would hear his voice and laughter again. He wanted to hug him this time, and never let him go for hours. He closed the lit, and put the box inside the pocket on his luggage. He went to sleep that night, believing he would have the sweetest dream he had ever had. But the next day... **Nobody picked him up** in the Tokyo Airport. He waited for a long time, trying to call Douku's hand phone. but nobody picked it up. The limousine that had to pick him up, came an hour later, but it didn't take him to his house.. It took him to **a hospital**... He was confused. but he didn't ask any question. He just followed the driver who led him into a large white room. Over there, he dropped the gift that he had been holding on since he got off the airplane.

**Shocked**..

He **forgot **everything then.. He rapidly ran... ran to see the unmoving body on the bed... He saw a similar face to his, but it was so pale. and he closed his eyes... **forever**... Owaru didn't say anything. He didn't cry, as nobody cried that day.. **He forgot to wish Nokoru's birthday**... He still remembered **his father's word** on the day they buried Douku's body...

**_/'For now on, you will be responsible on Imonoyama's family.. You will be the eldest son of the Imonoyama, and you have to carry the family on your shoulders.'/_**

**Imonoyama**.. It was not a **bless**.. It was **painful**... And the name was.. A **curse**... A **Disease**..

**To be continued.**


	10. Appreciation

**Chapter 10: Appreciation**

* * *

Owaru would never forget **the day they put Douku's body into the mist ground** in front of him. All he could do by that time was looking downward with an **unlimited emptiness** inside his gaze. **Everyone was hurt.** everyone was bearing the painful feeling in his or her heart, and till now they still carried it. Like him. Carried the big name of '**Imonoyama**'... It was not a bless.. It was a **curse**... As he forgot Nokoru's birthday, he had no chance to give his present to him. He was lost in time and space by that time. He discontinued his lessons, and returned to Japan. He joined the military forces lessons, which **was totally against his will**... From that moment, he swore, he would be the **strongest **member in the family... And **the most perfect one.** For his **family**... Somehow, in someway.. All the Imonoyamas understood -_ on the day Douku died_ - that sooner later they would end in the same way as their beloved brother. Imonoyamas would love others with their soul, but they were **forbidden to accept love**... He was never closed to Nokoru or anyone else in the family anymore since then. It was the best for them if all the Imonoyamas **never gathered together** in the same space or place. And here he was... **Waiting **again... And how he **hated **it. It just brought him to his memory, when he had to wait for something back in the airport, and found himself facing the dead body of his brother. Somehow, right on that moment, he didn't see it was Douku there... **It was him. **or perhaps... **it would be him**... So now he was going to **make sure that it would not happen again...**

His reflection of the past was gone as a person approached them in hurried. It was obvious he was running all the way to get here.. He lost his breath, and needed some time to catch up with his normal pulse again. After he felt enough strong to raise his voice, the black-hared man gazed at Suoh. His silver-eyes seemed to contain so many questions, questions that he realized couldn't be asked in the same time... and perhaps question that had no answer at all.

'Takamura-senpai, I. I'm sorry..' **Akira **paused, seemed confused how to start. 'I've heard the news. but I was not sure what'd happened.' Akira looked at the closed operation door. **'Is he still there?'**

No answer. Suoh just **nodded **his head.

'I heard that Nokoru-sama was being taken to the hospital, and he was in a bad condition. I called the Imonoyama mansion this morning to reschedule my return, but they said Nokoru-sama...' Akira stopped there. He was frowned to see Suoh's reaction. Suoh was very **distressed**.. Never before he saw his colleague acting like that. **The strong, independent, matured Takamura heir.** 'Takamura-senpai.. **Are you alright?**'

Suoh couldn't bear to hold his tears anymore. His **tears **blurred his sight.. Tears that he couldn't hide anymore.. He grabbed the younger man's body, and dipped his head onto one of Akira's shoulders.. There he burst into tears.. For quite a long time.. **quite a long time**...

Akira didn't say anything. He knew it was best **not to say anything** by this moment. Takamura-senpai needed a shoulder to cry on... **Not questions**... So he would stand there, and wait... Until his tears could wipe away at least a bit of sadness from his heart... After all, **that was what a friend for**...  
Waited and listened... To his surprised, he didn't notice the tall man who was standing nearby to them besides the door. He looked like **exactly the same of Nokoru**, if there was no difference in height. Blonde hair and a pair of sapphire eyes... Yes... And of course... **Full of loneliness**... Realizing the handsome man returned his glare, Akira felt his cheeks blushed.

After sometime, Suoh could control his emotion again. He stepped back, and wiped his tears away. 'I'm sorry, Ijyuin.. I- I just need someone to.'

'Takamura-senpai.. It's alright.. I **understand**..' Akira cut his words. 'By the way, **who is he**?' He whispered to Suoh's ears.

Suoh became conscious with Owaru's presence. It was so impolite of him not to introduce such an important person to Akira. He took Akira closer to Owaru's stand and started to introduce the man. 'My apology not to introduce you each other.. Owaru-sama, this is...' Before he could finish, Owaru nodded and continued his words.

'Ijyuin Akira-san, the most trustable Treasurer of Clamp School. I've heard a lot about you from Nokoru-san, and I appreciated your hard work. If only my company had people like you and Takamura-san, I believe they will have more improvement than the present.' Douku bowed his body as a respect to Akira.

Awkwardly, Akira returned his bow. In his heart, he was damn surprised to discover who the man really was. Everybody knew that only few people who had the chance to meet the Imonoyamas. And as Suoh had thought before, he definitely the one who was so lucky enough to meet other Imonoyamas besides Nokoru. 'I-I am very sorry **I didn't know who you are**.' Nervously he replied.

'It's fine. Few people knew me... I just hate to appear in public if it is not **necessary**.' He explained.

Akira turned his sight to Suoh once again. Actually, he was unsure to ask the question, but his curious feeling inside him forced him to find out the answer. 'Takamura-senpai.. I'm sorry, but **what happened** to Nokoru-sama actually?'

Suoh looked at Owaru's eyes **unsure **whether he could tell the actual event to Akira. for himself didn't know what happened actually.

Owaru understood his gaze. Facing the confused black-hared man, Owaru started the story. About **everything**, about the death of the first son of Imonoyama family, about what happened to each member of the family, including himself, about their manners to each other after the **murder**.. Till how they got fighting couple of days before... It was a long story.. It seemed **it would never end. **But Owaru didn't stop... The memory returned so fast and continuously... He couldn't stop telling them what had happened to Nokoru.. And he couldn't stop his... **Tears**...

The two loyal friends of Nokoru just stood there, listening words by words... **Words that they disbelieved.** After all these times, they never thought those things would happen to their Nokoru-sama. For he never showed them his feelings.. And in fact, **he hid it very well**... Behind his **silly actions**. Behind his angelic smile. **The fact was totally different! **When the story was finished, nobody said a word. **Silence**. Akira and Suoh were **speechless**. Owaru wiped his tears, and moved away from them. He couldn't stand it anymore. He had to go... He didn't want to wait anymore. It was too **painful**... Nobody stopped him from leaving. They could just see his gone without any sympathy words...

It was Akira who broke the silence after Owaru had fled away. 'Takamura-senpai. I - I can't believe all of these happened to Nokoru- sama.. How- how...' He paused, didn't know the **perfect word** to describe his feeling by that time. He was shocked.

'Neither do I, Ijyuin.' Suoh replied. Never in his life he could imagine what the life of an Imonoyama looked like. All these times, he thought Nokoru was always **happy**. Being an Imonoyama, so many people adored him. But the fact was.. **so painful**... It was so painful that he could feel the same...  
No... **Not the same.** It was more... more... more... **painful**... In his life, he only wished for his '**One**' to be happy. To see his 'One' smiling, or laughing, then he would understood that **his life worth living**. But it was not like that...

It was **not him **who made Nokoru - his 'One' - happy... **It was the other way around!** It was his '**One**' who made him happy... With his smile. With his cheerfulness. With his **attention**. And him... **Only made the situation worse**... Demanding Nokoru to do his responsibilities, his **unnecessary** responsibilities, more than to **enjoy his life.**

'Ijyuin.. **What have I done.**.' Suoh **regretted **all. _But, did he still have a **chance **to fix everything?_

* * *

Owaru managed to find a little chapel in the hospital. He entered the room, and carefully closed the door behind him. It was so quite and cold. The chapel was empty.. Nobody sat in there, saying prayers. Of course. it was late after midnight... He locked the door, and found himself seated on the last row of the chairs. chairs that facing the big cross hung on the white wall far before him. He bowed his head deeply and started his prayer.. **Thing that he had never done it again after these years...** After these years, **he had lost his faith**... But now he would try **anything**... Anything to bring his Nokoru back to him... Even he **had to replace his life with his**, he would do it for sure. Reaching his pocket on his overcoat, his fingers searched for something he kept cautiously in it day by day. He never left without it in his pocket... He found it... **The star...** He hold it for sometime.. He remembered how he wanted to give it to Nokoru... Before all of these happened... _**But was it too late already now?**_

**Time..**. That was **the only thing he didn't have**... No... Not '**have**'... But '**appreciate**'... He didn't appreciate the precious time... He just **wasted **it. All of them did. By the time he realized it was gone, there was nothing he could do. He had no chance to say how he loved him, how he adored him...  
How he **appreciated **all the time he spent with him... Again, Owaru was in tears... **Time**.

**Appreciate it** - _while you still can.._

**To be continued -**


	11. Happiness

**Chapter 11: Happiness**

* * *

Suoh and Akira had been standing there for hours. But to Suoh, it had been **centuries **he spent standing in front of the operation door. Centuries he spent in an eternal solitude of life. And in that period of time, he realized how lonely he was **without **'**him**'... It was Akira who broke the silence between them.

'Takamura-senpai.' Hesitantly he spoke up. 'Do you need anything to eat or drink perhaps?'

Suoh was voiceless. He remained motionless there with an empty glare of his golden-eyes.

'**Takamura-senpai**?' Akira called him for the second time. This time he did it in louder voice.

'Huh?' Suoh was startled, it seemed that he had been wandering around in an unlimited space and time. 'I - I'm sorry Akira..' He shook his head. 'Did you say anything to me?'

Instead of answering the question, Akira looked at him sorrowfully. He understood his dear friend was in a deep conflict, and unfortunately... unfortunately he just couldn't help him. 'No. I was asking you whether you need something to eat or drink. It seems that you haven't eaten anything yet.. **Your pale face tells that**.'

'I-' Paused. What a kindhearted friend Akira was. Compared to him... He even didn't show any **attention **to Akira.. He didn't even had a chance to ask how his feeling... 'No, thank you, Akira. I don't think I can eat or drink anything by this moment. How can I eat without thinking his condition right now.. I can't enjoy myself while he is struggling for his life in there. **I just can't**.' He lost his words. Tears in his eyes began to sting again.

Akira understood how Suoh's feeling right now. For he knew very well how precious Nokoru was for him. He loved Nokoru as well; he swore to protect him as Suoh did. But he also knew the one who love Nokoru more than him was Suoh. All he could do now was to support him. Akira smiled. 'Don't worry, he is going to be just alright.. After all, **he is Nokoru-sama**, isn't he?'

Suoh stared at the younger man. Once in his eyes Akira could feel **a hope still flaming**. 'Yes.. He is. He always wants **to make us happy**.'

'He will be back.. With us, and we will be together again... **As usual.**'

'**He will**.' Akira agreed.

The two men's conversation suddenly stopped as a man in a white overcoat came out from the operation room. He was the head doctor whom responsible of the operation to save Nokoru's life... Without waiting any longer, the two men rapidly approached him loading questions they couldn't wait to have the answers.

'Doctor! **How is he?**' Suoh grabbed the doctor's arm demanding a quick answer.

The doctor seemed to be quite confused to tell the news to the two men. But he knew he had to answer. Looking into the two men's eyes one after another, slowly **he shook his head**.

'**WHAT**? **Don't tell me you could not save him**! You're the best doctor in the hospital! **Save him**! **No matter what**!' Suoh was terribly angry. He used to be a calm person, but it was different. It took Akira **to hold him** so that he wouldn't attack the doctor and made the situation worse.

'I'm sorry! We have tried everything we can, and **we have tried our best. But-**'

'But **WHAT**?' Suoh shouted angrily.

'Takamura-san! **Calm down, please!**'

Both Akira and Suoh were startled. They didn't realize Owaru had been standing behind them, and listening to them. Immediately, Suoh stepped backward allowing Owaru to move closer to the doctor.

'I apologize for what my brother's friends had done.' He bowed to the doctor. Both Akira and Suoh did the same as Owaru.

The doctor was obviously nervous to respond the action. He awkwardly returned their bow. 'No, I understand. I'm sorry. We have done everything we can, **it just -**' He stopped and looked back to the room. 'Now** it depends on Nokoru-sama,** whether **he'll survive or not.**' Paused. 'He slept into a **comma**, and I have to be honest to you all, his chance is... **slim**..'

Suoh gasped. He didn't believe what he just heard.

'I understand. Thank you for you effort... We appreciate it very much. Can we go and see him now?' Owaru replied.

'Oh. O-Of course. You're most welcome.' The doctor made a way for the three men to enter the room.

As the three men entered the room, they were shocked with the scene laid in front of them. There on the white bed in the middle of the room, they could see Nokoru's body. If they didn't know what had happened to him, they would think he was just sleeping. Even in his worst condition, he still looked like as a sleeping angel. To their horror, they could see a lot of blood spread on the bed sheet in the nurses' hands. IVs attached to Nokoru's arm. It was Owaru who took the first step to get closer to the place Nokoru slept. He pulled a chair beside the bed and seated himself. Carefully, he took his brother's hand and hold it firmly with his both hands. He kissed it gently, and closed his eyes whispering the prayers he had not finished since... since the day he saw Nokoru was born into this wicked world... He prayed that there would never be anything that could separate them... Not even the **death **itself...

Suoh and Akira observed him from afar.. They knew it would be impolite to interfere Owaru, even though deep in his heart, Suoh wanted so much to do exactly the same as him.

A nurse came by trying to make the men out of the room. 'We are sorry, Sir, but we don't think you could stay here any much longer...' She spoke softly. 'Anyway, **there's nothing you can do here**.. It would be better for you to rest.'

Owaru merely shook his head. **'I would like to stay here.**'

The nurse was about to disagree to Owaru's reply, when the doctor stopped her to go further. 'It'll be fine.' As the doctor slowly took her out of the room, leaving the three men inside.

'Ijyuin, you don't return to your house to take a rest?' Suoh asked his younger friend.

'I- I think I'd better stay with you and Owaru-sama in case something happened.'

'Don't worry about Nokoru... I will stay with him.. **all of you may go home.**' Owaru raised his voice.

'Owaru-sama..' Suoh wasn't sure what he would say to lighten Owaru's burden right at the moment, for he felt the same sadness.

'Don't worry about him. **He'll survive**.. Imonoyamas never give up on our life. **Never**.'

* * *

_/How come it is so dark here.. Where am I?/_

He kept walking without knowing where the path he was walking on would end.

_/Why I am here?/_

_/Anybody hear me?/_

But there was no answer. It was **a total silence.**

_/Help me. Help me. please.. Let me get out of here. please./_

H sighted a **soft light** at the end of the path. There was no other way except to follow it. Little by little, he stepped into it. Unsure of what he was going to face.

_

* * *

'Hit the ball, Nokoru-kun. Come! You can do it!'_

A golden-hared boy with a pair of sapphire eyes was concentrating to hit the ball. He was about four years old, and faraway from him his teacher and friends were cheering him up. He was waiting for the pitcher to throw the ball to him. He was the batter that time, the last batter who would determine his team winning. Ah. Yes. T**he boy was himself... **It was his first baseball match. He knew he was not an athletic person, but his classmates required him to be one of the baseball players. He was about to refuse the offer, if not his beautiful teacher persuaded him to join in the team. He still remembered his teacher's name, Ms. Sakuya. She was so cheerful; a talented teacher; never a day he saw her without her smiling. She loved children, and the children loved her as well.

'What do you want to be **when you've grown up**, Nokoru-kun?' Once she asked the question.

'I- I don't know yet. There are so many occupations I love, and I haven't decided what I'm going to be.' He answered.

Ms. Sakuya was sweat dropped. She never heard a four-years-old boy could give her such an intelligent answer. 'Well.. you could be anything you wish.' She smiled. 'But whatever you choose in the future, **you have to be yourself.** In that way, you will be proud of yourself, and you will make everybody **proud **of you.' That was the only answer Ms. Sakuya gave him.

A word he would never forget till this moment. **To be proud of himself**. No matter who he was... He loved Ms. Sakuya. he would do anything to make her happy... **to make her proud of him**. That of course, why he wanted so much to win the game.

_/I have to hit the ball. If I can do it, my team will be the winner./_

And so the ball was thrown, he swung his bat and hit the ball right on its center. It was a **home run**! He had never believed he did it, but there was definitely not time to think about that. Now he had to run, run as fast as he could, and passed the bases.

_Base one._

_Base two._

_Base three._

He was almost there.

**_Base four!_**

Yes! He threw his body and landed right on the base pad. He couldn't feel the pain on his body as he slide on the ground. All he could feel was the excitement in the air, as everyone was cheering for victory. Yes. for the first time in his life he could feel it.. He could feel he was appreciated for his **effort**, not for his **charm**.. Or his **wealth**. Ms. Sakuya was running to him that time. into the middle of the field.. She was very happy, and all she wanted to do that moment was to give a big hug to her Nokoru... When they reached each other, Nokoru could feel Ms. Sakuya's soft body against his. He couldn't support her as she weighed much more than he did that they ended on the ground with Ms. Sakuya's body on his top. Nokoru smiled. Never before he felt so happy, he was laughing until his tears coming out from his blue eyes. And he knew he had made his teacher proud of him. But having Ms. Sakuya's body on his top was a totally different situation. He tried to loosen her embrace, and put himself back onto his feet again. But Ms. Sakuya didn't make a respond; she didn't move at all. Sensing something had gone wrong, he asked her: 'Ms. Sakuya. **Are you alright?**'

**There was no answer. **

Nokoru tried to move her, but she was too heavy for him. Instead he touched something wet and sticky streaming behind Ms. Sakuya's back. It was **blood**. Nokoru screamed...

* * *

He looked to his past scene with wet eyes... He saw little Nokoru was taken by force by his guardians from Ms. Sakuya, and escorted to someplace safe. Little Nokoru was crying... **fighting**... trying to free himself, and return to his teacher's place.. But it was **useless**... He knew what happened afterwards... Ms. Sakuya was **dead**... **She was shot**. Of course the bullet was not aimed at her, **it was supposed to land on his body**, but Ms. Sakuya could see the flash in seconds , that she tried to cover his body with hers. The bullet hit her backbone and caused **a sudden death.** She was gone, without saying anything to him.. **There was no last word from her.**

_**/Be proud of yourself./**_

He didn't come to her funeral like the other students had. He was forbidden by that time, considering the next attack that could happen afterwards. Since then, **he hated sports**. He never joined any competition anymore, hiding behind the reason he had some kind of disease that not allowing him to do any sport. He never participated in an open competition, for he realized since then, that being in an open-field he would make himself an **easy target**, and other people could have been killed **because of him**. And the entire scene broke into million of pieces... And he was back to the light once again.. It was so shinny that he hardly could open his eyes..

'Nokoru-san.. **Are you there?'**

He heard a familiar voice calling his name..

_/It's impossible! I know that **voice**! It was... it was.../_

He turned around to see who called him... There was someone standing looking at him. Slowly he moved towards '**him**' to get a better sight. He was tall, but his face was covered by shadow... He moved closer... Now he could see a pair of wings on his back.. _/Is he an angel?/_ Now it was only a few steps away from '**him**'... He raised his hand to touch '**him**'... When he could have a clear sight of it, he gasped...

**'Douku-san!'**

Rapidly, he rushed into him, hugging the tall man and sobbed. How he missed his brother so much.. How he wanted to say things he couldn't say when he was alive. Nokoru didn't want to let go his hands. He was calling Douku's name over and over again.

'Douku-san.. Is this you? Tell me that **I'm not dreaming**.. If it is a dream, I don't want to wake up anymore.. **I want to sleep forever..**'

* * *

Owaru wake up from his sleep suddenly. The beeping sound of the machine that indicated Nokoru's heartbeat somehow was different. It was getting louder and more intense, and it went faster and faster. He put Nokoru's hand on the bed, and stood hurriedly to check the machine. Something had gone wrong. He didn't understand what had happened, or what had caused the sound.. He never studied medical before.. He just knew something was not right. The graphic on the screen was waving faster. and not paternally. He searched for the emergency button to call the operating nurse to come and check. As he did it, the machine didn't beep as usual anymore.. Instead it produced **a long streaking sound**. Spontaneously, he glared at the screen.. **Damn**! It was not **waving **anymore! It was **a straight line**! What could possibly wrong this time! _**There was no heartbeat of Nokoru?**_ Owaru was **panic**. He didn't know what to do. He wanted so much to hit and bang the machine. Who knew it would change back to normal. But that was stupid.

Doctors and nurses entered the room. They quickly surrounded Nokoru's bed, and started to put out their medical equipments. One of the nurses turned around to approach Douku.

'I am sorry, Sir.. **But you have to leave the room immediately,** and wait outside. The doctors have to concentrate on their work.. Please understand..'

Douku nodded in agreement as he stepped outside leaving the doctors and nurses who were busy trying their best to bring back Nokoru's heartbeat.

_/Is it time already?/_ Somehow he didn't want to know the answer.**_ /Is he gone?/_**

His hand was trembling when he pressed Takamura and Ijyuin numbers on his hand phone. They should know considering they were the ones who had been loyal to Nokoru after all these times. But then again.. _**What should he tell them?**_ He leant his body against the wall, and slowly sat himself on the floor. His heart ached so much that he hugged his knees to prevent the ache grew stronger. Once in his life, he had never been so afraid.. Wished he was the one on the bed.. **_Wished he was the one who was dying.. _**Might be it wouldn't be so painful..

* * *

'Douku-san, I miss you so much..' Sobbing. He dipped his face in Douku's chest, while the winged tall man just stood there with his arms around him.

Douke stroke his fingers through the golden hair. He was smiling, recalling in the past how much he loved to do it. The beautiful golden hair.. The soft blurry sapphire eyes... 'I miss you so much too..' He whispered. 'Nokoru-san..'

Nokoru stepped back a little to have a better sight of Douku's face. Yes.. **He was still the same**.. He was Douku, **his Douku**.. He was still the same as last time he saw him.. Gorgeous, full of pride and confidence.. Before. before it was **started **or... **ended**.

'Douku-san.. **Why you are here**?' Nokoru asked.

He smiled. 'I'm the one who should ask the question. **Why you're here**?'

Nokoru gasped. He tried to remember why he was here on the first place. But it was so **hard**.. The first time he found out he was here, he didn't even remember who he was... 'I-I don't know.. But you are here.. Is that mean I'm **d-dead already**?'

Douku shook his head. He knew it would be hard to explain it to Nokoru. He still got chance if he wanted to go back to the world down there, and got his life back - **but only if it was his wish**. He couldn't force Nokoru to return there. **It had to be his own choice**.

'I'm dead, am I?' Nokoru asked again. Slowly he **recalled **the event. How Hajime had stabbed him, the warmth of Suoh's embrace, the gentle swept of Hajime's green hair on his face, the panic in Owaru's eyes, and the sound of his fan dropped... Then he **forgot**.

'No.. **Not real dead yet**.. But you could be **if you don't go back** immediately.' He answered.

Nokoru looked at Douku's eyes and thought about his words. He turned around to see the darkness behind him. If he went back there, he would meet his friends again.. He will meet Suoh, Akira, Owaru, his brothers and sisters.. Hajime... 'I - **I don't think I want to go back**..' He said, and turned back again to face Douku.

'**Why?**'

Nokoru didn't want to tell the reason. He looked downward, didn't dare to return Douku's glare.

**'Is it because Hajime?'**

He gasped. He nearly believed **the dead could read people's mind**. Merely he shook his head. 'No. no.. it wasn't because of her.. **It was my fault**..' He looked at Douku with sorrowful eyes. '**I killed you**.. I deserved it.. Let me stay with you.. **Let me make it up to you...'**

'Silly..' He moved his hand and put it on Nokoru's shoulder. 'It wasn't you who killed me.. And it was not your fault... **It was mine after all**... I put you in danger..'

'No... if it was because of me, **you wouldn't go there**, and... and...' He paused. His tears were streaming hard on his cheek. He threw himself on his feet and dipped his face in his hands. sobbing endlessly..

Douku couldn't stand it. he kneeled before him, and kissed his hair. He understood how desperate his brother was.. but he couldn't give him the support he needed. For the one whom he lost was actually not him.. **Nokoru lost himself.**

'Listen. **We all love you.** I love you, and I believe Hajime loves you too. She just happened to make mistake. **Will you forgive her then**?'

**'No!**' Nokoru glared at him. His wet blue eyes were opened wide. 'No! She did no mistake. **I've told you I deserved it...'**

'Nokoru.. **Enough**... Stop **blaming **yourself for my death..'

'But- but...' _**/I killed you./**_

'Look at me now..' Douku stood on his feet, and spread his wings. Beautiful, beautiful white wings.. He was an angel... 'I'm happy now.. I'm always be. All these times, I never left you.. I watched you from here. I spent more time being with you compared to when I was still alive. From here I could see you, feel in the same way you're feeling. There's nothing more I could wish..'

Nokoru slowly raised his body. 'In that case, can I stay with you? I want to be happy like you. **I don't want to be hurt again.** Please?' He begged for a '**yes**' answer.

'**Fine**.' Douku smiled to him. 'But you had to be **honest **to me.. You have to answer my question honestly.. **Can you do it?**'

Nokoru wept his tears away. 'Yes! Yes! I will do anything..'

'Tell me. will you be happy **if you leave your loved ones?'**

He was silent.

**Happiness **- it wasn't easy. Without **friends**. Without **love**. Without **hope**. Without **sadness**. **_What is happiness?_**

**To be continued -** .


	12. Life

**Chapter 12: Life**

* * *

'**What is your answer**, Nokoru-san?'

Nokoru couldn't answer it. Instead, he took a few steps back from his brother.

'Will you be happy **if you see people crying for you**? Will you be happy **if you see people blaming themselves for your dead?** Will you be happy if **one of your beloved ones commit suicide because of you?**'

**'NO! NO! STOP IT! STOP IT!** I don't want to hear it anymore.' Nokoru was terrified. He closed his ears with both of his hands, neglecting what he was going to hear next. He didn't want to see his brother's glare. '**I don't want to hear it anymore...**. please. '

'Tell me now. **Are you proud to be an Imonoyama?**'

Nokoru opened his eyes slowly. He had told everyone before about his answer. However, he never wanted to reveal the truth. He had always refused to admit it. Yes. If truth to be told, **he was proud to be an Imonoyama.** He couldn't lie to him, could he? 'I am. **I'm proud to be an Imonoyama.'** He whispered.

'Why?'

'I'm proud to be have you as my brother, and also the others.** I love you all**...'

Douku stared at him. His smile was gone now. There was a great seriousness on his face. He fled away and was ready to leave Nokoru down there.

Nokoru realized that his brother was about to leave him. He started to run after him and raised his voice. 'Douku-san! No! **Don't leave me alone! **Please.. Nooo..'

Douku stopped in the air; looked down at him, and smiled. 'I had to go now, Nokoru-san.** My time is over now.** I have to return to my place..'

'No. don't leave me! Don't leave me alone! **Please take me with you!'**

'I can't.. **You've chosen your way**.. You had to go back to your life, Nokoru-san.'

_/I've chosen my way? But when? Why I didn't realize it?/_ 'No! **You lied to me!** I haven't answered yet..' He didn't give up. He didn't want to lose Douku for the second time. If he had lost him in his lifetime, this time. at least he didn't lose him in **death**.

'Nokoru.. **Go back to your life... **There will be many people lose you if you don't go...' He paused. '**I'll wait here until it was time for you to come.**'

'No! I don't want to!** It's not fair!** I lost you that time! **But you didn't return to us!** Why I should go back?'

A hard question. Douku was not sure he could give the right answer for it, for he knew very well, **it was not the truth Nokoru wanted to hear now, **Nokoru only wanted to hear the '**answer**' **he wanted to hear**. Nokoru wanted to stay with him, no matter what kind of answer he would give. 'Nokoru. My dear brother.. I love you.. **Now and forever. **that's why I can't take you with me. I know you will regret it if you come with me now. ** Believe me.'**

'**NO**! I won't! I would be happy! At least... At least... **I will have you to love me!' **He sobbed. He couldn't stand anymore on his feet. He dropped himself on the knees again. '**Nobody loves me there**. Nobody loves me.. I'm alone.. **Alone**..'

If truth were told, **Douku would take Nokoru with him**. He would take him and didn't let anything could hurt him anymore. But he understood he would make Nokoru a **coward **that was always afraid to face his own life. **Life is suffering**. He had been through all of that.. And so would Nokoru. He refused to fail on his brother... and to watch his brother failing... He fled closer to Nokoru, and landed his feet right in front of him. Bearing his own tears, he knelt down and stroked his fingers through the soft golden hair. Somehow, he wanted so much to take him, so that he could hug him every day.** But that would be so wrong...** 'Don't cry anymore, you know how much **I hate to see you cry.**'

Nokoru opened his blurry eyes, and leapt into Douku's embrace. 'Please, tell me you won't leave me. **Whatever you do, please don't leave me.**' He was still sobbing.

'I never leave you.. **Even in my death, I never leave you**...'

'But why? **Why do you have to force me to go back?** Why don't you want me to stay with you? **Am I a burden to you?'**

'**No**.. You've never been a burden to me.. I- I just want to see you happy...' He paused, searching for perfect word to tell to him. 'And after all these times, I know very well you're happy if you spend times together with your friends..'

'I.. ' Nokoru was speechless.

'**Don't lie to me.**' Douku smiled. 'I see you are always smiling if you're closed with that blue-hared boy and the black-hared one. You never looked sad. You enjoy being with them.' Douku could sense a bit of grin on Nokoru's lips. 'Tell me, why you are always smiling then, even though you know you're very **lonely**?'

'Because I-' In doubt he answered.

'Because you're happy with them.. **You love them, **don't you? After all you've been through, you're always smiling if you're with them. And it is the most beautiful smile I have ever seen.. And I believe it is not a fake smile.. **Because it comes from your heart.**'

This time Nokoru didn't have anything to say. He just nodded in agreement, waiting for Douku to continue his words.

'Nokoru-san. We've been through the worse, and we know we are so lonely. We've been hurt, and we lost people we love. But we can still smile to others. It is not because we wanted to be strong, or to conceal our true feeling. **It is simply because we're happy... **happy **we can still love someone**.. and that's what life for.. **To love**..' Paused. 'Nokoru-san.' He looked into those sapphire eyes again. The eyes he had always missed all these times.. Too bad, he was going to miss them again, but he was happy, God still gave him chance to see it once again. 'You've found your love, and I know deep inside your heart you love them so much. Many times you will survive for them, **you protect them with your life**.. Why this time you had to give up? **This is not you.**. ' He stopped, trying to observe his brother's respond. No matter how old Nokoru was now, how much he had grown up, **he was still a little child to him**. Pure, honest, and... **hurt**.

'Don't give up.. **We are Imonoyamas. **We never give up our life. **We might hate our life, but we never give up**. We will protect our loved ones with our life. We only die for the ones we love.. **You've chosen it**.. Don't break your promise..'

Nokoru loosened his embrace. He was facing his dear brother now. 'Douku- san..'

'I know it's hurt.. Meeting you here.. You know I would do anything to bring you with me... **to be with me forever**. I've been waiting for so long that you can see me again, but somehow I don't want to see you in this condition, because **it wouldn't be the real you**. Nokoru I know is not a desperate, scared, or insincere child.. **Nokoru I know is a happy, full-of- love, and truthful child**.' He looked away from him. Slowly the darkness surround them was turning into a bright scene. He took Nokoru's arm to guide him to stand again on his feet. Faraway, came a white door half-opening waiting for Douku to enter. 'I have to go now. You have to go also.** Go back...** Return to your loved ones. **You still have a chance.**' He spread his wings again, and started to fly away towards the door. Million of lights coming out from the door, and it made Nokoru felt the entire place he stepped on seemed to be blown away into other dimension. And just before Douku walked into the door, he turned around to have a last look on his brother. He smiled. 'Remember I love you.. And please tell Hajime for me.. **She is the love of my life.**. I love her and I will wait for her forever.. We may not be able to unite in our lifetime, but **we will in our death.**'

Nokoru wanted to reach Douku's hand once more as he ran towards him. But he wasn't capable to do it. Douku was getting further and further. '**DOUKU-SAN!'**

'See you again, Nokoru-san.. **I love you**..'

**Disappeared**. Douku disappeared into flashes of light. His wings broke into million of white silky feathers, and there left Nokoru. **Alone**.

'Douku-san. I love you too..'

* * *

Suoh and Akira ran as quickly as they could. Suoh sensed something terrible happened. He shouldn't return to his residence, he supposed to stay beside him... Stupid Suoh! His whole body was filled with fear... **Fear he would lose someone important to him**.. Akira felt exactly the same with him. He regretted that he returned to his home to see his two mothers. They ran faster, they didn't know for sure what had happened, but their mind pushed them to run... to be there at once. It seemed to Suoh that **the end of the world had started,** when they found Owaru was sitting on the floor in front of Nokoru's room hugging his knees. They stopped few steps from him, and it was obvious Owaru didn't pay any attention to his surrounding. He didn't even looked up to see who was approaching him. Suoh moved closer to him, and knelt exactly facing him.

'Owaru-sama... **Is everything alright?**'

Owaru slowly raised his head. Suoh was startled to see his face, it was not the strong and confident Owaru-sama he had always seen before. He was so tires, distressed, and... **weak**. It seemed that it had been ages he waited outside there... **Waiting for something he didn't want to in fact...**

'Takamura... You're here...' He raised his arm as a signal for Suoh to help him got up onto his feet. Akira looked terribly worried of his condition, as he immediately came forward to help the man stand on his feet.

'Are you alright, Owaru-sama?' Akira asked in distress.

'I'm- I'm just fine.. Thank you.' He fixed his appearance, but he was failed to fix his emotion.

'Nokoru-sama... How's-' Suoh asked uncomfortably. But he couldn't help not to ask about it.

**'He lost his heartbeat just now..'**

Both of the men gasped. Suoh couldn't think clearly by that time. _Did it mean Nokoru would go and never come back forever?_ He was terrified to think what answer would come up. He wanted so much to faint or perhaps... **slip into a comma**..

'Doctors have been trying to get his life back.. But I believe **it is up to him now to survive**.'

'What- what can we do now?' Akira asked again in blurred eyes.

'**Nothing**.' Owaru answered sharply. '**Just wait**.'

A silence mist fell among them. The three men were drowned into their own thoughts. As a matter of fact, Suoh wanted so much to burst into the room, and shook Nokoru's body to awake Nokoru up. But that would be **ridiculous**...

Just then the same doctor they had met before came out from the room. Obviously he was reluctant to bring the news once again to the three men, but he had to. The only thing he hated to be a doctor was to bring **bad news** to the patient's family. No matter how many times he had been doing it, but it was not getting any easier for him. He knew he had done his best, and the patients or their family understood very well... But having failed in saving those people's life made him felt a useless doctor. And this moment was definitely no exception. Especially when he knew the patient he was handling was an **Imonoyama**, the richest family on Earth. who could buy a whole mountain to be named after their family name... that if they wished to...

'Imonoyama-sama.' The doctor raised his voice.

Owaru didn't say anything; he was waiting for the doctor to continue. He was busy saying prayer in his heart, praying that he would hear the '**news**' he wanted to hear. Suoh and Akira hold their breath.

'Fortunately... we manage to bring back Nokoru-sama's pulse to **normal**.'

Suoh couldn't bear his excitement, as he cheered spontaneously with Akira. Owaru took a deep sigh. He smiled. He almost felt his tears were going to stream down on his cheek. _/Thank you, God./_

'Is this mean Nokoru will... I mean Nokoru-sama will be **alright**?' Suoh asked the doctor impatiently.

He smiled and nodded in agreement. 'His condition has been **stabilized**, and **yes**... he has **passed the danger**.'

'Is he **conscious **now?' This time was Akira's turn to ask.

The doctor shook his head. 'No. Not yet.. I guess he's still sleeping, we gave him the antidote to relax.. May be in couple of hours, he will awake.'

**'Can we stay with him?**' The three men asked almost **in the same time.** When they realized what they had done, they blushed in red.

The doctor widened his smile. '**Yes**. You all may go in..'

Without being told for the second time, the three men rushed into the room. The scene in the room had not been changed from before, but somehow the feeling they had when they entered it was totally **different**. They could feel... **hope**. Owaru reached Nokoru's bed, and bowed down to kiss the golden-hared man's forehead. He whispered.** 'Thank you for coming back.'** And he seated himself right on the place he had sat before, holding Nokoru's hand.

Akira and Suoh smiled observing the two brothers. They waited on the other side of the room, waiting for the true friend back to his conscious.

* * *

It was seven o'clock in the morning, when Nokoru started to open his blue eyes. He couldn't open it quickly since his eyes were still sensitive of lights. _How long had he closed his eyes anyway?_ He looked around the room, trying to figure where he was. He could sight Akira was sleeping on a couch, and... ah... his Suoh was standing against the wall asleep. He smiled. Knowing Suoh, he would do anything to be close with him and that including sleeping while **standing**. To his surprised, he looked who was holding his hand besides him. **_/Owaru- san!/_**

He was sleeping, but he didn't let go his hand. Nokoru smiled... He felt his tears falling down on his cheek, but he didn't why or what for.. All these times, he believed Owaru didn't love him, or pay any attention for him.. He believed Owaru **hated **him, even though he didn't **for what reason...**  
Or might be... might be for **killing Douku** and put him into **a greater responsibility that made him lost his dream**.. Yes.. Might be because of that..

'**I'm sorry...**' He whispered. Nokoru knew Douku couldn't hear him. He was too weak to raise his arm and touch Douku's peaceful face. But he tried to move his hand. The quiver of his hand could be felt by Douku and brought him back from his sleep.

Douku opened his eyes in startled and looked at his brother. He was so excited that he immediately screamed his name. 'Nokoru-san! **You're back!**'  
His shout awakened the two other men in the room, as they jumped off from their places. In a second, they had surrounded the bed joyfully.

**'Nokoru-sama!**' The two men called together at the same time.

Nokoru smiled as an answer... An angelic smile of his.. A smile that made them all burst out in tears. After waiting for so long, finally they could sense a **relieve**...

'We are glad to have you back.' Akira wept his tears. '**Very glad**.'

'I'm sorry.. I- I made you worry..' Nokoru tried to speak... The men were all smiling.

'I. I guess I'll tell the doctor about you, and try to get something for Owaru-sama and Takamura-senpai to eat..' Akira said gleefully, and rushed to the door. 'I'll be back soon..'

There was a silence after Akira left. None of them knew what to say. They were very happy.. So happy that they hardly could express it in words..

'I guess I have to go now.. I believe you're fine now.. I will have Takamura to guard you.' Owaru was standing from his chair, and was ready to leave the two men.

'**Wait**.'

Owaru stopped. He turned around to look at Nokoru who called him. Nokoru tried to sit proper on his bed, but he couldn't. He was too weak to get up by his own. Suoh came to help.

'Owaru-san.' After he could sit up straight. '**I'm very sorry.'**

'Sorry? **For what?**' Owaru didn't understand.

'I'm sorry for giving you **unpleasant word.** For screaming at you.. **I know I was wrong**..'

'Silly!' Owaru smiled. 'It was not your fault. **I was too hard on you**.. I'm sorry I hit you the day before..'

Nokoru shook his head.

'I have to go now.. I'll leave you to Takamura..' Before he could finish, Nokoru cut his words.

'**I met Douku-san...**'

Owaru gasped. He disbelieved his hearing, or wasn't sure of it. Slowly, he returned to his chair holding his gaze to his brother's eyes. '**What did you say?'**

'I met Douku-san..' Nokoru closed his eyes. 'I met him.. **And I asked him to take me with him**.'

Suoh was frowned. _Did it mean he wanted to die actually?_

'But he **refused**. And I'm glad **I didn't stay with him.**.' He looked at Owaru's worried eyes, and smiled. 'After all these times, **I thought you don't love me at all**.. You hate me for Douku's **death**, like everybody else.. Like Hajime does..'

Owaru could feel a hurt feeling in Nokoru's voice, but he didn't say anything.

'**I wanted to die**.. I'm afraid to face you again. **I've disappointed you all.**'

Douku watched the tears falling from Nokoru's blue eyes... 'Silly...' He shook his head. '**I've never blamed you for Douku-san's death.** And you never made me disappointed.. I'm proud of you.. **I'm proud to have as my brother**...' Owaru stopped. 'And I thought you're the one who hated me as your brother.. f**or not paying any attention to you**..'

Nokoru looked disbelievingly to his brother. 'No. I never think like that.. I- I..' He sighed. Looking downward on the white bed sheet covering his feet, he tried to explain something he had hidden for a long time now. 'Owaru-san... Do you know why I build the** CLAMP School**? I had my Electronic Department, and among our siblings, **I'm the only one who has two companies to run on the same time.** And that make me don't have enough time to finish my paperwork.' He smiled, and turned his eyes to Suoh, who returned it clumsily.

'I- I have no idea.' Owaru answered.

'It was my wish **to fulfill your unfulfilled dream.**.. to give the** best education** to our nation's children..'

Owaru was frowned. **He never realized it before.**

'Look at its **shape**.. What is it?' Nokoru asked.

'**A star**..' Somehow he realized something.

Nokoru nodded. '**A star**.. To remind me that we are **sleeping under the same star as you said to me**.. That I'm not really **alone**.. Somehow, I hope someday in future we can be together again.. **I still believe in that**..'

The memories inside Owaru's mind suddenly returned in flashes..

_/'You know what.. You can see me every night.'/_

_/'Really? How?'/_

_/'Look at the **stars**..'/_

_/'**Stars**?'/_

_/'Yes. if you look at them, you'll be near to me.'/_

_/'How?'/_

_/'Because **we are sleeping under the same star**.. Just remember that. then you won't feel alone anymore.'/_

Just then he couldn't fight his tears from streaming down. He was **sobbing**... He was **blind**... After all these times. **he was completely blind**.. Work, work, work.. _He killed the star in his heart_.. and he nearly '**killed**' himself..

Suoh dropped his tear, and quickly wept it away.

It had been a while Owaru cried, till he managed to dry his tears away too. 'I'm sorry.. **I'm terribly sorry**..'

Nokoru smiled. He shook his head firmly. '**You don't have to**. I always wanted to tell you this, but I didn't have the chance. **I love you.**' He raised his hand to touch him, and Owaru grabbed it into his hold.

'I **love **you too..' He whispered.

A silence fell. But it didn't stay long, as Akira came into the room with the doctor followed him.

'Owaru-sama, the doctor is here.' He rushed in, but clumsily gasped when he saw what was going on. 'I- I'm sorry. I didn't-'

Owaru looked at him and smiled. Akira was surprised. He had seen Owaru-sama smiled at him before, but it wasn't like this time. His smile was so... **warm**. 'It's alright. I have to leave anyway..' Carefully he returned Nokoru's hand on the bed, allowing the doctor to come near to examine him. '**I'll be back soon**.' He whispered gently to Nokoru who smiled back to him. 'I guess you two have to stay around and take care of him for me.' Owaru looked at both men.

'Certainly, Owaru-sama. We will look after Nokoru-sama..' Suoh bowed his body.

'**I believe you.**' He was heading towards the door, and opened it. '**Thank you**.' He smiled, and fled away from the scene.

* * *

What a relieved... **Owaru could feel a great relieved in his chest now after he found out the truth.** He pressed the numbers on his hand phone to call for his driver to pick him up from the hospital. For once in his lifetime, he finally found **a new hope**... hope that could help him to step into **a better future**, hope that would bring him **happiness**... Many plans in his mind now.. He was eager to do it all. **First thing for sure**... he would **resign** from his position now, and dedicated himself for the CLAMP School.. He would be **a teacher **as he always wished. And moreover, he was able to spend more time with Nokoru. He was smiling as he was thinking of it... **Life seemed to be more beautiful than it was... **He was outside of the hospital now, and was amazed of how bright the day was. He hardly opened his eyes because of the light... Now he had to wait for the driver to come and pick him up. Just when he was ready to step down the stairs... **Something fast coming towards him**.. and **stabbed him in pain**...

He **lost his balance** instantly... He tried to reach for something.. But he could only reach for the empty air. He fell down... **An arrow had hit him.** It was so sudden, yet so painful. He could feel his blood streaming out... The star in his pocket flying out and landed on the ground. **He tried to reach for it...**

_/'Hello? Nokoru-san?'/_

_/'Yes, speaking. Who is this?/_

_/It's me. Owaru-san.'/_

_/Owaru-san! I miss you a lot!'/_

_/'Silly! I've just gone for two days. and you've already missed me?/_

_/'Yes. of course..'/_

_/'How are you?/_

_/'I'm. fine. It was just so **lonely **here../_

_/'I'm sorry I had to leave you.. /_

_/'No. you have to.. You have to **chase after your dream**.'/_

_/'You know what.. You can see me every night.'/_

_/'Really? How?'/_

_/'Look at the **stars**..'/_

_/'**Stars**?'/_

_/'Yes. if you look at them, you'll be near to me.'/_

_/'How?'/_

_/'Because **we are sleeping under the same star**.. Just remember that. then you **won't feel alone** anymore.'/_

**He could not reach for it anymore**... He lost his **breath**...

**Life is suffering.** Yet...** Life is full of surprises.**

'

**The End.**

* * *

**Author's Note:**

How is it? ^_^! Do you like it? **Comments are mostly welcomed**... See ya on my next fanfiction...If you notice my chapters titles, you'll see that those title are the reasons why we cry most of the time (sort of... _). **Thanks for reading!**


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